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Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter



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  #101  
Old December 22nd, 2007, 8:29 pm
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Phrozenone, Wow!

Though I can easily tell that it is just a first draft, I love your DH script, especially the parts where we see Ginny, Luna and Neville.


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  #102  
Old December 23rd, 2007, 12:22 pm
Blast_ended  Undisclosed.gif Blast_ended is offline
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

You can see my script of DH here. It is professionally formated and I worked really hard about it. I'd like to hear feedback.

Enjoy!


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  #103  
Old December 23rd, 2007, 4:26 pm
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops
Why not just show The Unbreakable Vow? Because for me the importance of the scene lies not in the Vow but in telling the reader/viewer that perhaps Snape really can't be trusted. This is even more the case in the films, which have never raised a question of his loyalty - at all. I simply don't feel showing the Vow gets this across enough. I don't think moviegoers (and I hate to just use generalities like that because everyone is different) would mind a five-minute scene like the one I posted.
I must disagree. In my preferred version of the scene, the audience questions Snape's loyalty just as much as the elongated, Bellatrix version. If Narcissa says, "Will you, Severus Snape, fulfill the Dark Lord's wishes if Draco should fail," then the audience begins thinking that Snape is on Voldemort's side. I am also using my version of the scene as the opening scene. If the Bellatrix version is used, it does not make a very intense, intriguing scene (it gets somewhat dull just hearing Snape shoot down Bellatrix's accusations). Also, the audience will have forgotten many of the points Bellatrix brings up: why Snape did not go to Voldemort upon his return (GoF), why Snape stopped Voldemort from getting the Stone (SS/PS), why he did not fight at the Ministry (OotP, and no one saw the faces of the Death Eaters). Overall, this scene requires flashbacks that ruin its mood. Thus, have the audience question Snape's loyalties by simply mention that he will be doing the Dark Lord's wishes.
I also do not think the Unbreakable Vow needs to be specifically named in the scene I drafted because it will be revealed later. If the threads of fire are locking the two hands, then the audience knows that a magical vow is being made.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone
The WB logo slowly floats towards the screen out of a sea of dark clouds. As we fly through the logo flashes of light are seen in the distance. The camera slowly moves forward as we see two wizards throwing spells at each other in the distance. We then see ALBUS DUMBLEDORE standing with is wand at the ready with rubble all around him with fire in his eyes. Across the screen we see Fifty (?) years earlier.

DUMBLEDORE
You don’t have to do this Grindewald, please old friend listen to reason!.....
I must admit I like the idea of beginning with the Dumbledore/Grindelwald duel, but it will not work. The audience would be incredibly confused, and by the time they are introduced to Dumbledore and Grindelwald's relationship, they will have forgotten the 1 minute clip they saw at the beginning. It makes a good opening scene, but only if the audience understands why the scene was included soon after. This, however, is not the case. Thus, simply start with The Dark Lord Ascending.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blast_ended
You can see my script of DH here. It is professionally formated and I worked really hard about it. I'd like to hear feedback.
I do not have time to read much of this, but I scrolled down and immediately saw the Dirk/Ted/Griphook scene. Cut this.

In Dark Lord Ascending, do not mention that Lupin/Tonks have been married: have their wedding be in the stead of Bill and Fleur's (ah - just a typo, I see). Also, Ollivander's appearance is most unexpected. Few will remember who he is, so Voldemort needing information from him will be confusing (the readers of the book understood that Ollivander would tell him about the twin cores - the movie audience will be clueless). Thus, substitute him with somebody else or cut this part.

You spent too long with dialogue between Harry and the Dursleys. It should be quick, and the guard should appear at the same time, with one or two members taking the Dursleys away. Cut the tastiness of Harry's potion (no one remembers it from CoS). Cut the ghoul and Scrimgeour. I would have Mad-Eye give him the bag at the Dursleys or Kingsley/Lupin give him the stuff at the Burrow (the trio will go up to Ron's room and look at the stuff there). Cut Lupin at Grimmauld Place. Perhaps even cut Kreacher's story/locket - have Harry have the locket since his excursion into the cave.


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  #104  
Old December 26th, 2007, 10:28 pm
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Hope all of you had a wonderful holiday and thanks for all the opinions on my DH script. I really appreciate it and whenever I get more done I'll gladly add more here for more opinions Now here's the next section of my HBP script:

INT. HOGWARTS-MOVING STAIRS/FAT LADY CORRIDOR/GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM-AFTERNOON

The scene cuts to a shot of Hogwarts and cuts to Ron walking ahead of Harry and Ginny towards the Common Room.

RON
Percy’s such a prick, I mean storming out on mum like that.

HARRY
Well he certainly paid for it, wonder how he got the mashed potatoes in his glasses
(He looks at Ginny and smile. Ron walks up to the Fat Lady.)

RON
Baubles

FAT LADY
No!

RON
What d’you mean no?

FAT LADY
There’s a new password, if u haven’t figured that out already.

RON
But…we don’t know it.

FAT LADY
Not my problem is it!

HERMIONE
(From behind them)
Harry! Ginny!
(They turn around and we see Hermione run into view.)
How are you?

HARRY
Excellent, don’t know the new password, could you…?
(he knobs towards the Fat Lady)

HERMIONE
Oh right, Abstinence!

FAT LADY
Precisely

The portrait swings open and they all walk into the common room. Lavender jumps up just as soon as she see’s Ron.

LAVENDER
WON WON!!!
(She runs up to him and hugs him. Harry and Ginny look at each other and laugh and Hermione rolls her eyes and walks off)
Oh I’ve missed you
(She kisses him continuously on the cheek.)

GINNY
Well I have to go and find Dean, later.

The camera zooms in on Harry’s face as he watches her walk away and the scene slowly fades too to…

EXT. THE BLACK LAKE SHORE-EVENING

Harry sitting outside wrapped in his scarf looking out at the lake still half frozen. We see a dark figure approach from the rear and soon reveals itself as Hermione.

HERMIONE
A knut for your thoughts?

HARRY
Oh hey.

HERMIONE
May I?

HARRY
Sure

She takes a seat beside him.

HARRY
I was just thinking, about this time last year was the last time I really talked to Sirius. Sometimes I…I just wish…we had more time.

HERMIONE
You’ve been handling it pretty well Harry, I don’t think I could’ve shown nearly as much strength as you did this year

HARRY
It’s just…I know Sirius wouldn’t want me to…worry. But it’s just hard, knowing he won’t be writing again.

HERMIONE
But he’s still here Harry. As long as you keep his memory strong, he will always be there.
(He throws a pebble into the lake.)
That’s not the only thing on your mind is it?

HARRY
What makes you think…

HERMIONE
You know Harry, sometimes you have to do what your heart says, it’ll never lead you wrong.

HARRY
What do you….

HERMIONE
Oh nothing

She gives him a slight smile and walks away as Harry looks back off into the distance. He smiles as he realizes that Hermione is talking about Ginny and the scene fades to…

INT. DUMBLEDORE’S OFFICE-NIGHT

DUMBLEDORE
I hear that the Minister of Magic met with you over Christmas.

HARRY
Yeah, he wanted me to tell the Wizarding community that the Ministry’s doing a wonderful job.

DUMBLEDORE
And?

HARRY
Well I said no of course, after everything Fudge has done, after Umbridge!

DUMBLEDORE
Within hours of Scrimgeour’s appointment we met and he demanded that I arrange a meeting with you…

HARRY
I heard you two argued, is that the reason sir?

DUMBLEDORE
Yes, it appears however that Rufus found a way to corner you at last.

HARRY
He accused me of being ‘Dumbledore’s man through and through”

DUMBLEDORE
Really? How very rude of him.

HARRY
I told him I was.

Dumbledore looks up at Harry and smile as he turns and walks towards the Pensieve

DUMBLEDORE
Now the memory I’m about to show you now Harry is very important, pay close attention!

INT. SLUGHORNS CLASS NIGHT (SIXTY YEARS AGO)

There is a flash and now Harry and Dumbledore are standing in a room with a young Slughorn, Tom, and other slytheran students. We see Tom is now wearing the black ring that Gaunt had.

TOM
Sir, is it true that Professor Merrythought is retiring?

SLUGHORN
Tom, if I knew I couldn’t tell you. I must say, I’d like to know where you get your information. Thank you for the pineapple, by the way, it is my favorite.
(The whole room turns into fog and we can only see Dumbledore and Harry and then we hear Slughorns voice.)
You’ll go wrong, boy, mark my words!
(The fog clears and everything reappears and everyone looks as though nothing happened.)
Good gracious, is it time already? You’d better get going, or we’ll all be in trouble. Lestrange, I want your essay by tomorrow or it’s detention. Same for you, Avery.

(All the other students except Tom leaves.)

SLUGHORN
What is it Tom? You don’t want you to be caught out of bed.

TOM
Sir, I wanted to ask you something.

SLUGHORN
Ask away, m’boy!

TOM
I wondered, sir, what you know about…Horcruxes?

(The room fills with fog again and we hear Slughorns voice again boom out.)

SLUGHORN
I don’t know anything about Horcruxes and I wouldn’t tell you if I did! Now get out of here at once and don’t let me catch you mentioning them again!

Dumbledore grabs Harry shoulder and with a flash we see them come out of the Pensieve.

HARRY
Sir, that ring that Voldemort had on…

DUMBLEDORE
Good eye Harry, you see shortly after Morfins realease Tom found him. My theory is he stunned Morfin. He used Morfins wand to kill his father and grandparents and filled Morfin with false memories made him think that he’s done it. He took the ring obviously.

HARRY
There was something odd about Slughorns memory

DUMBLEDORE
Ah yes, as you can tell Harry, that memory has been tampared with.

HARRY
Why would he do that?

DUMBLEDORE
I think he is ashamed of what he remembers. Now Harry, I have a homework assignment for you. It is your job to persuade Professor Slughorn to divulge the real memory, which will undoubtedly be our most crucial piece of information of all. It is most important that we secure the true memory, Harry! So, good luck, and goodnight.

INT-CORRIDOR-DAY

The scene cuts to Hermione and Harry walking towards potions class together

HERMIONE
Horcruxes…I’ve never even heard of them…they must be really advanced Dark Magic, or why would Voldemort have wanted to know about them? It’s going to be difficult to get the information from him Harry, you should think out a strategy.

HARRY
Ron reckons I should just hang back after Potions this afternoon…

HERMIONE
Oh, well, if Won Won thinks that, you’d better do it.

HARRY
Hermione, can’t you just…

HERMIONE
No!

INT. POTIONS CLASS-DAY (MOMENTS LATER)

SLUGHORN
You all are to create an antidote for the poison within it before the end of the lessons. Good luck!

HERMIONE
It’s a shame that the Prince won’t be able to help you much with this, Harry. You have to understand the principles involved this time.
(She starts collecting ingredients.)

RON
You sure the Prince hasn’t got any tips?

HARRY
No

We see Harry turn through the book. The scene cuts showing everyone with potions brewing and Harry still looking through the book. Slughorn is walking around checking cauldrons. The camera zooms in to the book where we see the writing ‘Just shove a bezoar down their throats.’ Harry reads this and jumps up and goes towards the cupboard and rummaged through it. He picks up this little brown ball just as Slughorn yells Times..UP! Now Slughorn is walking around the class examining everyone’s potions

SLUGHORN
Very good, Ms. Granger

HERMIONE
Thank you sir!

SLUGHORN
And what do you have for me, Harry?

HARRY
Oh…um…(He opens his hand and we see the small brown ball in his hand.)

SLUGHORN
You’ve got nerve, boy!
(He grabs it and holds it up for the class to see.)
Oh, you’re like your mother. A bezaor, a stone taken from the stomach of a goat, would certainly act as an antidote to all these potions!

The camera pans to Hermione with a dissappointed look on her face. The scene cuts to the class leaving and Harry walks towards Slughorns desk.

HARRY
Sir, I wanted to ask you something.

SLUGHORN
Ask away!

HARRY
Sir, I was wondering what you know…about Horcruxes?

SLUGHORN
(His face freezes as he stares at Harry.)
What did you say?

HARRY
I asked whether you know anything about Horcruxes, sir. You see…

SLUGHORN
Dumbledore put you up to this.
(He jumps up angrily and walks towards the cupboard.)
Dumbledore’s shown you that….memory, hasn’t he?

HARRY
Well…yes…

SLUGHORN
Well if you’ve seen that memory, Harry, you’ll know that I don’t know anything…ANYTHING…about Horcruxes.

HARRY
Sir, I just thought there might be a bit more to….

SLUGHORN
Did you!
(He grabs his briefcase and starts to walk towards the exit of the class.)
Then you were wrong, weren’t you? WRONG!

He slams the door behind himself and we see a shot of Harry standing in the middle of the class.

INT. CORRIDOR-AFTERNOON (SAME DAY)

The scene cuts to a shot of a sign that says Apparation Lessons and pans back showing a bunch of students standing in front of the sign.

SEAMUS
How cool will it be when we can just (snaps finger) and be anywhere we want to be.

RON
It sounds really cool.

SEAMUS
Longbottom would probably leave his head behind. (HE and Ron laughs)

HARRY
Don’t worry Neville. It’s not as exciting as it sounds.

LAVENDER
Won Won! (She runs up and hugs him.) How are you Wonnie!

HARRY
(He, Neville, and Seamus laugh.)
We’ll see you later.

SEAMUS
Yeah Won, Won!

As they walk down the hall we see Hermione run up behind them.

HERMIONE
Harry! I have something to tell you. Hey Seamus, Neville.

NEVILLE
Hey!

SEAMUS
Hiya Hermione, see ya in class Harry. Come on Neville
(They both exits.)

HARRY
What is it did you find something on Horcruxes?

HERMIONE
That’s exactly it, I can’t find anything on it. I’ve been right through the restricted section and even the most horrible books have nothing. All I could find was this

(She pulls out a piece of parchment.)

It was in the introduction to Magik Moste Evile. Of the Horcrux, wickedest of magical inventions, we shall not speak nor give direction…

HARRY
Well why put in there at all?

INT. THE GREAT HALL-EVENING (SAME DAY)

The scene cuts to the students standing in the Great Hall with no tables. There is a short man named Wilkie Twycross standing there and all the students have hoops in front of them.

TWYCROSS
Now the important things to remember when Apparating are the three D’s. Destination, Determination, Deliberation! Fix your mind firmly upon the desired destination, focus your determination to occupy the visulaized space, and only when I give the command,, turn on the spot, feeling your way into nothingness, moving with deliberation! Now, One, Two, THREE!!

The students all close their eyes and look have a strained look on their face. Nothing happens and Neville faints. They open their eyes and laugh.

TWYCROSS
Lets try this again won’t we…One, Two, THREE!!!!

They close their eyes start spinning and some start falling on the floor. One student lets out of screech of pain as one student is in the hoop while one leg is still on the outside. Twycross waves his wand and theres a puff of purple smoke and the student is back together.

TWYCROSS
That was called Splinching, or the seperation of random body parts occurs when the mind is insufficeintly determined. Now once again, GO!

The students close their eyes and the camera zooms in on Harry. He disappears and reappears in the circle hoop. He opens his eyes and everyone stares at him. Some look in amazement whereas Draco and his friends frown at Harry’s accomplishement.

TWYCROSS
Very good Mr. Potter, very good! Now lets go at it again why won’t we

MALFOY
Always the perfect student huh Potter!

HARRY
Always the struggling Death Eater huh Malfoy.

Everyone in the room gasps and all eyes turn to Harry and Draco.

TWYCROSS
No need for that type of talk here….

MALFOY
Why don’t you prove it Potter!

HARRY
Oh believe me, I will. Then you’ll be sent straight to Azkaban like your dear daddy.

DRACO
(pulls out his wand)
HOW DARE YOU…

HARRY
(pulls out his wand)
Want to have a go?

TWYCROSS
GENTLEMEN PLEASE! Wands away now or I will have to send you to the headmasters.

HARRY
Good, I’m sure Dumbledore will see right through his lies.

DRACO
Keep hiding behind Dumbledore while you can Potter.

HARRY
Oh yeah, lets see you try and do something about it…

HERMIONE
Harry…please!

Harry looks around and decides to be the bigger man and places his wand back into this robes. Draco follows suit.

TWYCROSS
20 points from both Gryffindor and Slytherian. Now, back the lesson…

The scene cuts to…


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  #105  
Old December 27th, 2007, 12:34 am
WendyPotter
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

O_o Is there any way I can get this more...cleaned up? Because I'm having a hard time following the scenes Thanx

~WendyPotter


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  #106  
Old December 27th, 2007, 7:57 am
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by WendyPotter View Post
O_o Is there any way I can get this more...cleaned up? Because I'm having a hard time following the scenes Thanx

~WendyPotter
Do you have any Suggestions?


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  #107  
Old December 28th, 2007, 12:20 am
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

INT. BOYS DORMITORY-MORNING

There is a shot of the names moving around the Marauder’s Map and the camera pans back to Harry looking at it as Ron is opening his birthday presents.

RON
Thanks for these Harry!
(He holds up a pair of gloves.)

HARRY
No problem birthday boy.
(Looks back at the map)
Where is Malfoy, he doesn’t seem to be in his bed.

RON
Harry, is Hermione really going out with McLaggen?

HARRY
Dunno, they were at Slughorn’s party together, but I don’t think that went well.

RON
Good, oh wow, see what Mum and Dad got me? Blimey, I think I’ll come of age next year too…
(He notices the box of chocolate cauldrons beside Harry’s bed and picks them up.)
Want one Harry?

HARRY
(Without looking up.)
No thanks…Malfoy’s gone again!

RON
Can’t have done, come on, apparation lessons today.
(He shoves some cauldrons in his mouth.)

HARRY
Yeah I guess
(He taps his wand on the map.) Mischief managed.

INT. GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM-MORNING (MOMENTS LATER)

Harry is reading something on the bullentin board as we see Ron come down from the dormitory.

HARRY
Ready? Let’s go, we can still catch breakfast.

RON
I’m not hungry…. Harry, I can’t stand it!

HARRY
You can’t stand what?

RON
I…I can’t stop thinking about her!

HARRY
And that stops you from going to breakfast because….

RON
I don’t think she knows I exist.

HARRY
She keeps snogging you, doesn’t she? I’m sure…

RON
Who are you talking about?

HARRY
Who are you talking about?

RON
Romilda Vane
(He rushes over and sits on the couch with a dazed look on his face.)
I think I love her Harry.

HARRY
(chuckles)
Ok, say that again with a straight face.

RON
(He stands up and walks towards Harry)
I love her, have you seen her hair, and her eyes…

HARRY
Ok Ron jokes over, drop it.

Harry turns around to walk away and Ron shoots a spell at Harry that misses him by inches. Harry turns around quickly and pulls his wand out throws the same nonverbal spell he did earlier on Ron which snatched him up in the air by his legs and has him hanging up side down and the cauldrons drop out of Rons hands.

HARRY
What was that for!

RON
You insulted her, Harry! You said it was a joke.

HARRY
This is insane! What’s got into….
(He looks on the ground and see the box of cauldrons on the floor beneath Ron.)
Where did you get those Chocolate Cauldrons?

RON
They were a birthday present. I offered you one, didn’t I?

HARRY
You just picked them up off the floor!

RON
Let me go Harry!

HARRY
I chucked those out of my trunk when I was looking for the map, they’re the Chocolate Cauldrons Romilda gave me before Christmas, and they’re all spiked with love potion!

RON
Romilda! Harry…do you know her? Can you introduce us?

HARRY
(He laughs)
Yeah I’ll introduce you. I’m going to let you down now, okay?

RON
Ok!
(He is lowered back down to the ground. The portrait opens and Lavender walks in.)

LAVENDER
You’re late Won Won, I’ve got you a birthday…

RON
Leave me alone; Harry’s going to introduce me to Romilda Vance!

He pushes her out the way and walks out. Harry mouths ‘Sorry’ to her and runs out behind Ron.

INT. SLUGHORNS OFFICE-MORNING (MOMENTS LATER)

RON
I can’t see her Harry, is he hiding her?

HARRY
She’s on here way

RON
Really, how do I look?

SLUGHORN
Very handsome, now drink that up, it’s a tonic for the nerves, keep you calm when she arrives, you know.

RON
Bloody Brilliant!
(He starts to drink the tonic.)

HARRY
Thanks Professor

SLUGHORN
Don’t mention it m’boy.

HARRY
You see it’s his birthday sir…

SLUGHORN
Really? Oh well in that case!
(He goes to his cupboard and pulls out this bottle.)
I’ve got one last bottle of this oak matured mead…meant to give this to Dumbledore for Christmas…ah well. Why don’t we open it now and celebrate Mr. Weasley’s birthday!
(Slughorn pours the drinks and hands a glass to each of them.)
Well, a very happy birthday, Rupert

RON
(Stunned)
How do you know…?

HARRY
It’s Ron…
(As he says this Ron goes ahead and chugs the drink.)

SLUGHORN
And may you have many more…

Ron drops the glass and foam start to come out of his mouth. He falls on the ground shaking furiously with his eyes rolling to the back of his head..

HARRY
Ron! Professor! Do something!

SLUGHORN
What…but…

Harry rushes towards the cupboard and starts to throw around bottles. He grabs the bezoar and runs to Ron. He forces his mouth open and throws the bezoar in his mouth. After a few seconds his body stops shaking and he falls off to sleep.

INT. HOSTPITAL WING-AFTERNOON (SAME DAY)

Ron is sleeping in the hospital room turning in his sleep slightly. Ginny, Fred, George, and Harry are all standing around the bed and Hermione is sitting on the opposite bed with tears in her eyes.

FRED
So the poison was in the drink?

HARRY
Yes, Slughorn poured it out…

GEORGE
Do you think he slipped something into Rons drink?

HARRY
Why would Slughorn want to poison Ron?

GEORGE
You don’t think he could have mixed up the glasses by mistake? Meaning to get you?

GINNY
Why would Slughorn want to poison Harry.

FRED
He could be under the Imperius curse.

GINNY
Harry said Slughorn had been planning to give that bottle to Dumbledore for Christmas, so the poisener could’ve been after Dumbledore.

RON
(Stirring in his sleep)
Er…my..nee…

Then he snores again and the scene fades to

EXT. BRIDGE-EVENING (MOMENTS LATER)

Harry and Hagrid walking on the Hogwarts grounds.

HAGRID
How is he?

HARRY
They say he’ll be okay.

HAGRID
I don’ believe this, who’d want ter hurt him? First Katie, now Ron…Terrible, jus’ terrible. All the new securtiy an’ kids are still getting’ hurt…Dumbledore’s worried sick.

HARRY
Doesn’t he have any ideas Hagrid?

HAGRID
No. Wha’ worries me is how long Hogwarts can stay open if kids are bein’ attacked. I mean, it’s always bin a bit of a risk sendin’ a kid ter Hogwarts, underage wizards all locked up together, but attempted murder, tha’s different. S’no wonder Dumbledoer’s angry with Snape.

HARRY
What?

HAGRID
Oh, I should’nt of said that.

HARRY
Hagrid, why is Dumbledore angry with Snape?

HAGRID
Shhhh…well I jus’ heard Snape sayin’ Dumbledore took too much fer granted an’ maybe he…Snape…didn’ wan’ ter do it anymore….

HARRY
Do what?

HAGRID
I dunno Harry, sounded like Snape was feelin’ a bit overworked, that’s all.

Harry looks at Hagrid with a look of concern on his face. Hagrid shrugs and continues to walk as the scene fades to

INT. HOSPITAL WING-NIGHT

Harry is sitting next to Ron in the hospital wing. He is looking in the Mauraders Map once again trying to find what Draco is up too.

HARRY
Gone again.

RON
Harry I think you’re going a little overboard with this Malfoy thing.

HARRY
He’s up to something, and I’m going to catch him at it! I’m gonna find out what he’s up too.

RON
Harry…

HARRY
Don’t tell me it’s all in my head either, I overheard what Snape said to him…

RON
Yeah I know Harry, but, you’re just becoming a little obsessed over this thing.

HARRY
Obsessed? He just keeps disappearing off of the map, where do you think he’s going?

RON
Hogsmeade maybe, I don’t know.

HARRY
If only I had some way…wait a minute.

RON
What?

HARRY
I think I have a way to get Malfoy followed.
(He pulls out his wand and points it at the door.)
Don’t want Madam Pomfrey to overhear me. Mufflialto!

RON
What are you….

HARRY
Kreacher!

In the middle of the room Kreacher and Dobby apparate and they’re both fighting each other.

DOBBY
Kreacher will not insult Harry Potter in front of Dobby!!!

KREACHER
Kreacher will say what he likes about master, filthy friend of Mudbloods, what would poor Kreachers mistress…

Dobby punches him in his mouth and Kreacher lets out a scream and starts clawing at Dobby. Ron and Harry jump out of the bed and tries to pull them apart. They continue to kick and swing at each other as they pulled apart.

HARRY
I forbid you to fight each other!

They both stop and stare at each other.

HARRY
Dobby…what are you doing here?

DOBBY
Greetings Harry Potter sir! Dumbledore hired Dobby to work in the kitchens with the other house elves sir! Shortly after Harry Potter freed Dobby from the evil Malfoys!

RON
Just what we need…

HARRY
Now, Kreacher I’ve got a job for you.

KREACHER
Kreacher will do whatever Master wants, because Kreacher has no choice, but Kreacher is ashamed to have such a master, yes…

DOBBY
Dobby will do it, Harry Potter! Dobby would be honored.

HARRY
It would be good to have both of you now that I think of it. I want you to tail Draco Malfoy.

RON
What!

HARRY
I want to know where he’s going, who he’s meeting, and what he’s doing. I want you to follow him around the clock.

DOBBY
Yes, Harry Potter!

KREACHER
Master wants me to spy upon the pure-blood great-nephew of my old mistress?

HARRY
Yeah and you’re forbidden to tip him off, or to show him what you’re up to, or to talk to him at all, or to write him messages or…or to contact him in any way. Got it?

KREACHER
Master thinks of everything, and Kreacher must obey him even though Kreacher would much rather be the servant of the Malfoy boy, oh yes…

HARRY
That’s settled then.

Kreacher and Dobby both snap their fingers and disappear.

RON
Harry, what the…

HARRY
I don’t want to hear it Ron ok.


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  #108  
Old December 28th, 2007, 2:28 am
WendyPotter
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArryGrotter View Post
Do you have any Suggestions?
No, not really. Im new here you see. I've been a member for a while, but just became an active one yesterday. Is Phrozenone doing Half-Blood Prince? If yes, please tell me the page where the script starts. What year are you doing, ArryGrotter?

~WendyPotter


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  #109  
Old December 28th, 2007, 4:07 am
ArryGrotter's Avatar
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Joined: 4754 days
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Age: 26
Posts: 3,281
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by WendyPotter View Post
No, not really. Im new here you see. I've been a member for a while, but just became an active one yesterday. Is Phrozenone doing Half-Blood Prince? If yes, please tell me the page where the script starts. What year are you doing, ArryGrotter?

~WendyPotter
Phrozenone (HBP) started on page 1, near the bottom (Post 19)

I am doing PS/SS. I resarted on Post 6 (Page 1). What is there is not final. I keep everything I have done, updated (As much as possible) at this link. I've also done some of CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP and DH, which you can find scattered in the thread.

Phrozenone, I'm a bit busy with the new year and haven't had time to read your new posts. I'll probably catch up in 08



Last edited by ArryGrotter; January 15th, 2008 at 10:23 pm. Reason: link change
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  #110  
Old December 30th, 2007, 10:54 am
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Is there any way I can get this more...cleaned up?
Quote:
Do you have any Suggestions?
Perhaps put the scripts in [/quote] tags? That might neaten things a bit.

On a somewhat unrelated note: I've been thinking about whether or not it's possible that all seven books could be adapted into a trilogy. Anyone ever thought about that, or am I alone?


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  #111  
Old January 3rd, 2008, 5:11 am
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
Hope all of you had a wonderful holiday and thanks for all the opinions on my DH script. I really appreciate it and whenever I get more done I'll gladly add more here for more opinions Now here's the next section of my HBP script:
I'm so sorry I hadn't got to this earlier. New Year's, you know. And every time I think I have thime I come on to CoS and then discover I don't. Oh well...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
HERMIONE
Oh right, Abstinence!
Hmm, that's a bit risque to keep it in...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
GINNY
Well I have to go and find Dean, later.

The camera zooms in on Harry’s face as he watches her walk away and the scene slowly fades too to…

EXT. THE BLACK LAKE SHORE-EVENING

Harry sitting outside wrapped in his scarf looking out at the lake still half frozen. We see a dark figure approach from the rear and soon reveals itself as Hermione.

HERMIONE
A knut for your thoughts?

HARRY
Oh hey.

HERMIONE
May I?

HARRY
Sure

She takes a seat beside him.

HARRY
I was just thinking, about this time last year was the last time I really talked to Sirius. Sometimes I…I just wish…we had more time.

HERMIONE
You’ve been handling it pretty well Harry, I don’t think I could’ve shown nearly as much strength as you did this year

HARRY
It’s just…I know Sirius wouldn’t want me to…worry. But it’s just hard, knowing he won’t be writing again.

HERMIONE
But he’s still here Harry. As long as you keep his memory strong, he will always be there.
(He throws a pebble into the lake.)
That’s not the only thing on your mind is it?

HARRY
What makes you think…

HERMIONE
You know Harry, sometimes you have to do what your heart says, it’ll never lead you wrong.

HARRY
What do you….

HERMIONE
Oh nothing

She gives him a slight smile and walks away as Harry looks back off into the distance. He smiles as he realizes that Hermione is talking about Ginny and the scene fades to…
I hate this. I'm sorry. I find it useless, and uncanon, and... why are you bringing up Sirius? I mean he's not really important to HBP at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
HARRY
He accused me of being ‘Dumbledore’s man through and through”

DUMBLEDORE
Really? How very rude of him.

HARRY
I told him I was.

Dumbledore looks up at Harry and smile as he turns and walks towards the Pensieve
That just doesn't seem as powerful as I always it in the book. Dumbledore cries, doesn't he? And Fawkes sings. I'd find that scene much powerful if there was a tear down Dumbledore's face.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
DUMBLEDORE
Now the memory I’m about to show you now Harry is very important, pay close attention!
And know after writing that annd reading this I remember you are writing for Gambon!Dumbledore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
TOM
I wondered, sir, what you know about…Horcruxes?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
HARRY
Sir, I was wondering what you know…about Horcruxes?
What I liked about in the book was the Tom and Harry siad exactly the same phrase to Slughorn (They even paused in the same place and both repeated the word 'about') and to change something that little in a script would be ...... wrong.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
MALFOY
Always the perfect student huh Potter!

HARRY
Always the struggling Death Eater huh Malfoy.

Everyone in the room gasps and all eyes turn to Harry and Draco.

TWYCROSS
No need for that type of talk here….

MALFOY
Why don’t you prove it Potter!

HARRY
Oh believe me, I will. Then you’ll be sent straight to Azkaban like your dear daddy.

DRACO
(pulls out his wand)
HOW DARE YOU…

HARRY
(pulls out his wand)
Want to have a go?

TWYCROSS
GENTLEMEN PLEASE! Wands away now or I will have to send you to the headmasters.

HARRY
Good, I’m sure Dumbledore will see right through his lies.

DRACO
Keep hiding behind Dumbledore while you can Potter.

HARRY
Oh yeah, lets see you try and do something about it…

HERMIONE
Harry…please!

Harry looks around and decides to be the bigger man and places his wand back into this robes. Draco follows suit.

TWYCROSS
20 points from both Gryffindor and Slytherian. Now, back the lesson…
O....K..... WT-?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
Well, a very happy birthday, Rupert

RON
(Stunned)
How do you know…?

HARRY
It’s Ron…
I don't think that should be in the movie though...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
RON
(Stirring in his sleep)
Er…my..nee…
Ohhhh!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
EXT. BRIDGE-EVENING (MOMENTS LATER)

Harry and Hagrid walking on the Hogwarts grounds.

HAGRID
How is he?

HARRY
They say he’ll be okay.

HAGRID
I don’ believe this, who’d want ter hurt him? First Katie, now Ron…Terrible, jus’ terrible. All the new securtiy an’ kids are still getting’ hurt…Dumbledore’s worried sick.

HARRY
Doesn’t he have any ideas Hagrid?

HAGRID
No. Wha’ worries me is how long Hogwarts can stay open if kids are bein’ attacked. I mean, it’s always bin a bit of a risk sendin’ a kid ter Hogwarts, underage wizards all locked up together, but attempted murder, tha’s different. S’no wonder Dumbledoer’s angry with Snape.

HARRY
What?

HAGRID
Oh, I should’nt of said that.

HARRY
Hagrid, why is Dumbledore angry with Snape?

HAGRID
Shhhh…well I jus’ heard Snape sayin’ Dumbledore took too much fer granted an’ maybe he…Snape…didn’ wan’ ter do it anymore….

HARRY
Do what?

HAGRID
I dunno Harry, sounded like Snape was feelin’ a bit overworked, that’s all.

Harry looks at Hagrid with a look of concern on his face. Hagrid shrugs and continues to walk as the scene fades to
I don't think there is enough importance on this scene, but then again there wasn't much in the book. Hmmm....

I think this scene needs reworking.

Quote:
DOBBY
Greetings Harry Potter sir! Dumbledore hired Dobby to work in the kitchens with the other house elves sir! Shortly after Harry Potter freed Dobby from the evil Malfoys!
See WB, its that easy to reintroduce Dobby!

You cut Quidditch? What else have you cut? It's hard to figure it out becasue it seems like everything is there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoulOfRebirth View Post
Perhaps put the scripts in
tags? That might neaten things a bit.[/quote]

I made a post a while ago when I was trying to make the posts shorter in lengths by using tags:

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArryGrotter View Post
I was searching the FAQs to find something useful and found these. They are really helpful at shortening the thread, yet keeping everything there, I suggest you use them.

Quote:
Collapsible Box:
Will put your content in an expandable/collapsable container with the caption at the top of the container.
Usage: (expand=Option)value(/expand)
NB: Change () to []
Example Usage: (expand=caption)content(/expand)
NB: Change () to []
Example Output:
caption:    


  content  



Fieldset :
Usage: (fieldset=Option)value(/fieldset)
NB: Change () to []
Example Usage: (fieldset=Harry Potter)This book rocks!(/fieldset)
NB: Change () to []
Example Output:
Harry PotterThis book rocks!
Yeah, so I suppose it would be good if thouse posting scripts could put [expand] and [fieldset] tags on, if not [quote] tags.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoulOfRebirth View Post
On a somewhat unrelated note: I've been thinking about whether or not it's possible that all seven books could be adapted into a trilogy. Anyone ever thought about that, or am I alone?
That would be HARD and there would be a lot omitted (and a lot of fans would hate it).

I once thought of one movie out of the seven when all the events happen alongside each other. (i.e. The same time Harry gets his letter, Dobby warns him of Hogwarts, Aunt Marge balloons, the Dark Mark is set, Demtors attack, Dumbledore visits Harry and seven Potters leave Privet Drive)
But of course that would be awful and NEVER work

Here's the latest edit of 'The Journey from Platform Nine and Three Quarters:    


  
PS: The Journey from Platform Nine and Three QuartersINT. KING’S CROSS STATION - LATE MORNING
(1/9/1991)

On one platform is a big plastic ‘9’ and on the platform next to it is a big plastic ‘10’. Vernon smiles evilly.

VERNON DURSLEY
Well, there you are, boy. Platform nine - platform ten. Your platform should be somewhere in the middle, but they don't seem to have built it yet.

The Dursley’s depart.

VERNON DURSLEY (CONT’D)
Have a good term.

Vernon and Dudley start laughing at once. Petunia on the other hand, looks at the barrier between the two platforms for a few seconds then begins to laugh like her husband and son.

Harry is alone with a trolley carrying his trunk and his pet owl, Hedwig. Just when he begins to become worried, he hears a voice.

MOLLY WEASLEY
...packed with Muggles of course...

Harry miraculously sees a woman (MOLLY WEASLEY) and her 10-year-old daughter (GINNY WEASLEY) followed by four boys (RON WEASLEY, FRED WEASLEY, GEORGE WEASLEY and PERCY WEASLEY), each pushing a trunk like Harry and the eldest (Percy) also storing an owl. Ginny points to a solid brick wall.

GINNY WEASLEY
Platform nine and three-quarters! Mum, can't I go...
MOLLY WEASLEY
You're not old enough, Ginny, now be quiet. All right, Percy, you go first.

Percy comes forward, making his way to the solid brick wall between platforms 9 and 10. A group of tourists come passed blocking Harry’s view. When they leave, Percy has vanished.

MOLLY WEASLEY (CONT’D)
Fred, George, you next.

Fred and George run towards the wall ... and disappear.

HARRY POTTER
Excuse me.

Molly turns to Harry.

MOLLY WEASLEY
Hello, dear. First time at Hogwarts? Ron's new, too.

She points to the last and youngest of her sons.

HARRY POTTER
Yes. The thing is - I don't know how to -

He points to the brick wall.

MOLLY WEASLEY
Not to worry. All you have to do is walk straight at the barrier between platforms nine and ten. Best do it at a bit of a run if you're nervous. Go on, go now before Ron.

HARRY POTTER
Er - okay.

Harry starts to push his trolley forward and gulps. Closer and closer the brick wall comes. Then...

INT. PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS - LATE MORNING
(1/9/1991)

...he falls through, and he finds himself on a platform packed with people.
‘Hogwarts Express, eleven o’clock’ reads a sign overhead. Behind him is an archway, the words ‘Platform Nine and Three-Quarters’ etched into it.
Taking his trunk, Harry passes owls, cats and wizards, trying find an empty compartment.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM
Gran, I've lost my toad again.

AUGUSTA LONGBOTTOM
Oh, Neville.

Harry finds an empty carriage and tries to lift through the carriage door. It drops onto his foot.

GEORGE WEASLEY
Want a hand?

Fred and George Weasley spot Harry’s trouble.

HARRY POTTER
Yes, please.

Together the three of them...

INT. HOGWARTS EXPRESS COMPARTMENT - LATE MORNING
(1/9/1991)

...get the trunk into Harry’s compartment. Subconsciously, Harry sweeps his hair of his forehead with his hand, revealing the scar on his forehead.

FRED WEASLEY
What’s that?

GEORGE WEASLEY
Blimey, are you?

FRED WEASLEY
He is. Aren’t you?

HARRY POTTER
What?

FRED WEASLEY / GEORGE WEASLEY
Harry Potter!

HARRY POTTER
Oh - Yes - I am.

They both stare at Harry.

MOLLY WEASLEY (O.S.)
Fred? George? Are you there?

With one last look at Harry, the twins leave.

Harry positions himself so he can see what is happening down at the station.

MOLLY WEASLEY (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Ron, you've got something on your nose.

INT. PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS - LATE MORNING
(CONTINUOUS ACTION) (1/9/1991)

Ron jerks away as Molly rubs the end of his nose with her handkerchief, then turns to Percy who is just about to leave for the front carriage.

MOLLY WEASLEY
Well, have a good term and send me an owl when you get there.

She kisses him on the cheek and he departs. She then turns on the twins.

MOLLY WEASLEY (CONT’D)
Now, you two. If I get one more owl telling me you've - you've blown up a toilet or -

FRED WEASLEY
Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet.

GEORGE WEASLEY
Great idea though, Mum.

MOLLY WEASLEY
It's not funny. And look after Ron.

FRED WEASLEY
Don't worry, ickle Ronniekins is safe with us.

RON WEASLEY
Shut up.

GEORGE WEASLEY
Hey Mum, guess what!

INT. HOGWARTS EXPRESS COMPARTMENT - LATE MORNING
(CONTINUOUS ACTION) (1/9/1991)

Harry leans back so they can’t notice him looking.

GEORGE WEASLEY (O.S.)
Guess who we just met on the train?

INT. PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS - LATE MORNING
(CONTINUOUS ACTION) (1/9/1991)
FRED WEASLEY
You know that black-haired boy who was near us in the station?

MOLLY WEASLEY
Who?

FRED WEASLEY
Harry Potter!

Ginny suddenly becomes excited.

GINNY WEASLEY
Oh, Mum, can I go on the train and see him, Mum, oh please...

MOLLY WEASLEY
You've already seen him, Ginny, and the poor boy isn't something you goggle at in a zoo. How do you know, Fred?

FRED WEASLEY
Asked him. Saw his scar. It's really there - like lightning.

MOLLY WEASLEY
Poor dear - no wonder he was alone.

FRED WEASLEY
Do you think he remembers what You-Know-Who looks like?

MOLLY WEASLEY
I forbid you to ask him, Fred. As though he needs reminding of that on his first day at school.

FRED WEASLEY
All right, keep your hair on.

A whistle sounds. Molly kisses each of them. Ginny starts to cry.

FRED WEASLEY (CONT’D)
Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.

GEORGE WEASLEY
We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat.

MOLLY WEASLEY
George!

GEORGE WEASLEY
Only joking, Mum.

The train starts to move. The door shuts and Ginny starts to run after the train.

INT. HOGWARTS EXPRESS COMPARTMENT - LATE MORNING
(CONTINUOUS ACTION) (1/9/1991)

Harry watches Ginny and Molly disappear as the train turns the corner.
The compartment door opens. Ron Weasley appears.

RON WEASLEY
Anyone sitting there? Everywhere else is full.

Harry shakes his head and Ron sits down. Harry returns to looking at the window, but Ron starts to stare at Harry.

RON WEASLEY (CONT’D)
(Suddenly)
Are you really Harry Potter?

Harry nods.

RON WEASLEY (CONT’D)
Oh - well, I thought it might be one of Fred and George's jokes.
(Pause)
And have you really got - you know...

Ron points to his forehead. Harry reveals his scar.

RON WEASLEY (CONT’D)
So that's where You-Know-Who -

HARRY POTTER
Yes, but I can't remember it.

RON WEASLEY
Nothing?

HARRY POTTER
Well - I remember a lot of green light,
(For a second, the screen fills with green light.)
but nothing else.

RON WEASLEY
Wow.

Ron starts to stare at Harry again, but then quickly looks out the window.

HARRY POTTER
Are all your family wizards?

RON WEASLEY
Er - Yes, I think so.

HARRY POTTER
Wish I'd had three wizard brothers.

RON WEASLEY
(Gloomy)
Five. I'm the sixth in our family to go to Hogwarts. Bill and Charlie have already left - Bill was head boy and Charlie was captain of Quidditch. Now Percy's a prefect. Fred and George mess around a lot, but they still get really good marks and everyone thinks they're really funny. Everyone expects me to do as well as the others, but if I do, it's no big deal, because they did it first. You never get anything new, either. I've got Bill's old robes, Charlie's old wand, and Percy's old rat.

Out of his jacket he pulls out a beaten-up, fat, grey rat (Scabbers).

RON WEASLEY (CONT’D)
His name's Scabbers and he's useless, he hardly ever wakes up.

HARRY POTTER
You must know loads of magic already. I've got loads to learn ... I bet. I bet I'm the worst in the class.

RON WEASLEY
You won't be. There's loads of people who come from Muggle families and they learn quick enough.

A smiling, dimpled woman emerges at the doorway, pushing a food trolley.

FOOD TROLLEY LADY
Anything off the trolley, dears?

Harry leaps up, but Ron mutters something about sandwiches. Looking around, Harry is surprised and confused.

THE TROLLEY

The trolley is fulled with Bettie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, Chocolate Frogs. Pumpkin Pasties, Cauldron Cakes and Licorice Wands.

A LITTLE LATER (MIDDAY)

Harry and Ron eat their way through what looks like the whole trolley. Ron’s sandwiches lay forgotten.

HARRY POTTER
What are these?

He holds up a packet of Chocolate Frogs.

HARRY POTTER (CONT’D)
They're not really frogs, are they?

RON WEASLEY
No. But see what the card is. I'm missing Agrippa. Chocolate Frogs have cards, inside them to collect - famous witches and wizards. I've got about five hundred, but I haven't got Agrippa or Ptolemy.

While he talks Harry unwraps his Chocolate Frog and takes out his card, ‘Albus Dumbledore’, which shows Dumbledore’s name and picture.

HARRY POTTER
So this is Dumbledore!

RON WEASLEY
Don't tell me you'd never heard of Dumbledore!

Harry turns it over and reads the back to himself.

HARRY POTTER
Albus Dumbledore. Currently Headmaster of Hogwarts. Considered by many the greatest wizard of modern times, Dumbledore is particularly famous for his defeat of the dark wizard Grindelwald in 1945, for the discovery of the twelve uses of dragon's blood, and his work on alchemy with his partner, Nicolas Flamel.

Harry turns the card back over. Dumbledore is no longer in frame.

HARRY POTTER (CONT’D)
He’s gone!

RON WEASLEY
Well, you can't expect him to hang around all day. He'll be back.

Harry notices Dumbledore comes back, smiling.

HARRY POTTER
You know, the Muggle world, people just stay put in photos.

RON WEASLEY
Do they? What, they don't move at all? Weird!

Knock, knock. Neville Longbottom appears at the door.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM
Sorry, but have you seen a toad at all?

Harry and Ron shake their heads.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM (CONT’D)
Yes. Well, if you see him...

Neville leaves.

RON WEASLEY
Don't know why he's so bothered. If I'd brought a toad I'd lose it as quick as I could. Mind you, I brought Scabbers, so I can't talk.
(They both look at Scabbers)
I tried to turn him yellow yesterday, but the spell didn't work. I'll show you, look...

He takes out his wand and Harry notices it is chipped in many places and that a bright white hair is almost sticking out.

Neville appears at the door again, but this time with someone else, a bushy-haired someone who is already wearing her Hogwarts robes (HERMIONE GRANGER).

HERMIONE GRANGER
Has anyone seen a toad? Neville's lost one.

RON WEASLEY
We've already told him we haven't seen it.

Hermione notices Ron’s wand.

HERMIONE GRANGER
Oh, are you doing magic? Let's see it, then.

She sits down.

RON WEASLEY
Er - Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, Turn this stupid, fat rat yellow.
He waves his wand and nothing happens.

HERMIONE GRANGER
(Speaking fast)
Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good, is it? I've tried a few simple spells just for practice and it's all worked for me. Nobody in my family's magic at all, it was ever such a surprise when I got my letter, it's the very best school of witchcraft there is, I've heard - I've learned all our course books by heart, of course, I just hope it will be enough - I'm Hermione Granger, by the way, who are you.

Harry and Ron both look, stunned, at each other.

RON WEASLEY
I’m Ron Weasley.

HARRY POTTER
Harry Potter.

HERMIONE GRANGER
Are you really? I know all about you, of course - I got a few extra books for background reading, and you're in Modern Magical History and The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts and Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century.

HARRY POTTER
Am I?

HERMIONE GRANGER
Goodness, didn't you know, I'd have found out everything I could if it was me. Do either of you know what house you'll be in? I've been asking around, and I hope I'm in Gryffindor, but I suppose Ravenclaw wouldn't be too bad ... Anyway, we'd better go and look for Neville's toad.

She and Neville leave.

RON WEASLEY
Whatever house I'm in, I hope she's not in it. Stupid spell.

HARRY POTTER
What house are your brothers in?

RON WEASLEY
Gryffindor. Mum and Dad were in it too. I don't know what they'll say if I'm not. I don't suppose Ravenclaw would be too bad, but imagine if they put me in Slytherin.

HARRY POTTER
That's the house Voldemort was in?

Ron gasps.

HARRY POTTER (CONT’D)
What?

RON WEASLEY
You said You-Know-Who's name! I'd have thought you, of all people -

HARRY POTTER
I'm not trying to be brave or anything, saying the name, I just never knew you shouldn't.

Pause.

HARRY POTTER (CONT’D)
So what do your oldest brothers do now that they've left Hogwarts, anyway?

RON WEASLEY
Charlie's in Romania studying dragons, and Bill's in Africa doing something for Gringotts. Did you hear about Gringotts? It's been all over the Daily Prophet. Someone tried to rob a high security vault.

HARRY POTTER
Really? What happened to them?

RON WEASLEY
Nothing, that's why it's such big news. They haven't been caught. Everyone gets scared when something like this happens in case You-Know-Who's behind it.

Harry takes this in.

LATE AFTERNOON/EVENING

Three people appear at the doorway (DRACO MALFOY, VINCENT CRABBE and GREGORY GOYLE)

DRACO MALFOY
Is it true? They're saying all down the train that Harry Potter's in this compartment.

Draco looks to Harry, who looks to Crabbe and Goyle who look large enough to be bodyguards.

DRACO MALFOY (CONT’D)
Oh, this is Crabbe and this is Goyle. And my name's Malfoy, Draco Malfoy.

Ron makes a cough to hide a s******.

DRACO MALFOY (CONT’D)
Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask who you are. My father told me all the Weasleys have red hair, freckles, and more children than they can afford.

He turns back to Harry.

DRACO MALFOY (CONT’D)
You'll soon find out some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.

He holds out his hand, but Harry doesn’t take it.

HARRY POTTER
I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks.

Malfoy steps back, withdrawing his hand.

DRACO MALFOY
I'd be careful if I were you, Potter. Unless you're a bit politer you'll go the same way as your parents.

HARRY POTTER
Why don't you leave now?
(He glances at Crabbe and Goyle, much larger than him and Ron)

DRACO MALFOY
But we don't feet like leaving, do we, boys? We've eaten all our food and you still seem to have some.

Goyle reaches for a Chocolate Frog, but he gives a horrible yell.

Scabbers sways from Goyle’s finger. He has bitten him. Goyle throw Scabbers across the room and he, Malfoy and Crabbe leave.

Ron picks Scabbers up.

RON WEASLEY
I think he's been knocked out. No - I don't believe it - he's gone back to sleep -

Footsteps are heard in the corridor.

HERMIONE GRANGER
What has been going on?

Hermione Granger appears again.

RON WEASLEY
Can we help you with something?

HERMIONE GRANGER
You haven't been fighting, have you? You'll be in trouble before we even get there!

RON WEASLEY
Scabbers has been fighting, not us. Would you mind leaving now?

HERMIONE GRANGER
All right - I only came in here because people outside are behaving very childishly, racing up and down the corridors.
(Beat)
And you've got dirt on your nose, by the way, did you know?

She leaves.

EXT. HOGSMEADE STATION - EVENING
(1/9/1991)

The Hogwarts Express starts to slow down and finally reaches the station. Students, all in their robes, are exiting excitedly. Hagrid calls over them, carrying a lamp.

RUBEUS HAGRID
Firs' years! Firs' years over here! All right there, Harry?

Harry makes his way forward with Ron.

RUBEUS HAGRID (CONT’D)
C'mon, follow me - any more firs' years? Mind yer step, now! Firs' years follow me!
  




Last edited by ArryGrotter; January 3rd, 2008 at 10:03 pm.
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  #112  
Old January 3rd, 2008, 7:40 am
Phrozenone's Avatar
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArryGrotter View Post
I'm so sorry I hadn't got to this earlier. New Year's, you know. And every time I think I have thime I come on to CoS and then discover I don't. Oh well...
Understandable and Happy New Year ArryGrotter!!!

Quote:
Hmm, that's a bit risque to keep it in...
That's what I like about it. We go from that to Lavender jumping on Ron..I thought it was funny.

Quote:
I hate this. I'm sorry. I find it useless, and uncanon, and... why are you bringing up Sirius? I mean he's not really important to HBP at all.
I dunno..I remember when I first read the book I was wondering why Harry never seemed to acknowledge Sirius much and I felt there should be some point that he mentioned him. Would I include this scene NOW of course not..but it being useless and uncanon hasn't stopped the filmakers before has it?

Quote:
That just doesn't seem as powerful as I always it in the book. Dumbledore cries, doesn't he? And Fawkes sings. I'd find that scene much powerful if there was a tear down Dumbledore's face.
His eyes get watery but I think a simple smile will do the trick. Then again scripts always change and if the director wants tears then there will be tears lol

Quote:
What I liked about in the book was the Tom and Harry siad exactly the same phrase to Slughorn (They even paused in the same place and both repeated the word 'about') and to change something that little in a script would be ...... wrong.
Honestly I never noticed I did that. Very odd indeed great catch lol..I thought I had them saying the same thing. How silly of me *walks away in shame*

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And know after writing that annd reading this I remember you are writing for Gambon!Dumbledore.


Quote:
O....K..... W H - ?


I guess that means you want an explanation. When I decided to write this script I wanted a sort of beginning, middle, and end for Harry and Draco's arguments. This scene is of course the middle. My thing is Malfoy is so in the background people would forget he's even doing anything and I thought it'll be such a Harry thing to do and call him out on it. Of course we know that everyone thinks Harry is just being overly paranoid and this adds on to it. Plus it was the only way I could keep apparation in by putting something important there I dunno I like it actually.

Quote:
I don't think that should be in the movie though...
You know what's funny? To this day I can't find that part where Slughorn calls Ron Rupert so I just stuck it here. Why should it not be in the movie? It'll get a laugh atleast

Quote:
I don't think there is enough importance on this scene, but then again there wasn't much in the book. Hmmm....

I think this scene needs reworking.
Yeah I didn't know what to do with that scene. Hermione was orginally there but she had..what...one line? So I cut her out. The scene plays out just like it does in the book though so iunno

Quote:
See WB, its that easy to reintroduce Dobby!

You cut Quidditch? What else have you cut? It's hard to figure it out becasue it seems like everything is there.
Yep introducing Dobby is easy! lol

I cut alot I think but I kept alot in by merely moving things together. If you've noticed a majority of Dumbledore's speeches have been cut down alot. I cut Fluer, one of he memories, Quidditch, alot of the classroom scenes (Although dialogue from some scenes have been saved), and who knows what else lol. It's been ages since I've read that book but it's time for me to do it again if I want to do a new script.

Thanks for the suggestion on how to make the posts more orderly. You know I never saw that post by you lol I would've been using it more if I did


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  #113  
Old January 3rd, 2008, 10:02 pm
ArryGrotter's Avatar
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
Understandable and Happy New Year ArryGrotter!!!
Same to you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
That's what I like about it. We go from that to Lavender jumping on Ron..I thought it was funny.
It wasn't until my... Probably my 4 or 5th read that I understood 1)What the password meant and 2) Who set it, and if haven't figured out two (and I think that's the most important part) then forgive my coughing: *coughprefectscoughcoughHermione'saprefectcoughcou ghbutnotinthemoivecoughcoughsoifyoudoaddthatmakesu reyoumakeHermioneprefectcough*

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
I dunno..I remember when I first read the book I was wondering why Harry never seemed to acknowledge Sirius much and I felt there should be some point that he mentioned him. Would I include this scene NOW of course not..but it being useless and uncanon hasn't stopped the filmakers before has it?
I'm fine with some of the non-canon (the word I was looking for) stuff in the movie as long as it reflects the book. I just on't feel this reflects the book.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
You know what's funny? To this day I can't find that part where Slughorn calls Ron Rupert so I just stuck it here. Why should it not be in the movie? It'll get a laugh atleast
It's in After the Burial somewhere. It's right after the burial of Aragog.

Quote:
“I have had it all tested for poison,” he assured Harry, pouring most of the first bottle into one of Hagrid’s bucket-sized mugs and handing it to Hagrid. “Had a house-elf taste every bottle after what happened to your poor friend Rupert.”
Harry saw, in his mind’s eye, the expression on Hermione’s face if she ever heard about this abuse of houseelves, and decided never to mention it to her.
I just feel that the audience will think someone slipped and said the actor's name instead of the characters. Soooo many people thought that was a mistake in the book.


Have you noticed my script?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArryGrotter View Post
Here's the latest edit of 'The Journey from Platform Nine and Three Quarters:    


  
PS: The Journey from Platform Nine and Three QuartersINT. KING’S CROSS STATION - LATE MORNING
(1/9/1991)

On one platform is a big plastic ‘9’ and on the platform next to it is a big plastic ‘10’. Vernon smiles evilly.

VERNON DURSLEY
Well, there you are, boy. Platform nine - platform ten. Your platform should be somewhere in the middle, but they don't seem to have built it yet.

The Dursley’s depart.

VERNON DURSLEY (CONT’D)
Have a good term.

Vernon and Dudley start laughing at once. Petunia on the other hand, looks at the barrier between the two platforms for a few seconds then begins to laugh like her husband and son.

Harry is alone with a trolley carrying his trunk and his pet owl, Hedwig. Just when he begins to become worried, he hears a voice.

MOLLY WEASLEY
...packed with Muggles of course...

Harry miraculously sees a woman (MOLLY WEASLEY) and her 10-year-old daughter (GINNY WEASLEY) followed by four boys (RON WEASLEY, FRED WEASLEY, GEORGE WEASLEY and PERCY WEASLEY), each pushing a trunk like Harry and the eldest (Percy) also storing an owl. Ginny points to a solid brick wall.

GINNY WEASLEY
Platform nine and three-quarters! Mum, can't I go...
MOLLY WEASLEY
You're not old enough, Ginny, now be quiet. All right, Percy, you go first.

Percy comes forward, making his way to the solid brick wall between platforms 9 and 10. A group of tourists come passed blocking Harry’s view. When they leave, Percy has vanished.

MOLLY WEASLEY (CONT’D)
Fred, George, you next.

Fred and George run towards the wall ... and disappear.

HARRY POTTER
Excuse me.

Molly turns to Harry.

MOLLY WEASLEY
Hello, dear. First time at Hogwarts? Ron's new, too.

She points to the last and youngest of her sons.

HARRY POTTER
Yes. The thing is - I don't know how to -

He points to the brick wall.

MOLLY WEASLEY
Not to worry. All you have to do is walk straight at the barrier between platforms nine and ten. Best do it at a bit of a run if you're nervous. Go on, go now before Ron.

HARRY POTTER
Er - okay.

Harry starts to push his trolley forward and gulps. Closer and closer the brick wall comes. Then...

INT. PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS - LATE MORNING
(1/9/1991)

...he falls through, and he finds himself on a platform packed with people.
‘Hogwarts Express, eleven o’clock’ reads a sign overhead. Behind him is an archway, the words ‘Platform Nine and Three-Quarters’ etched into it.
Taking his trunk, Harry passes owls, cats and wizards, trying find an empty compartment.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM
Gran, I've lost my toad again.

AUGUSTA LONGBOTTOM
Oh, Neville.

Harry finds an empty carriage and tries to lift through the carriage door. It drops onto his foot.

GEORGE WEASLEY
Want a hand?

Fred and George Weasley spot Harry’s trouble.

HARRY POTTER
Yes, please.

Together the three of them...

INT. HOGWARTS EXPRESS COMPARTMENT - LATE MORNING
(1/9/1991)

...get the trunk into Harry’s compartment. Subconsciously, Harry sweeps his hair of his forehead with his hand, revealing the scar on his forehead.

FRED WEASLEY
What’s that?

GEORGE WEASLEY
Blimey, are you?

FRED WEASLEY
He is. Aren’t you?

HARRY POTTER
What?

FRED WEASLEY / GEORGE WEASLEY
Harry Potter!

HARRY POTTER
Oh - Yes - I am.

They both stare at Harry.

MOLLY WEASLEY (O.S.)
Fred? George? Are you there?

With one last look at Harry, the twins leave.

Harry positions himself so he can see what is happening down at the station.

MOLLY WEASLEY (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Ron, you've got something on your nose.

INT. PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS - LATE MORNING
(CONTINUOUS ACTION) (1/9/1991)

Ron jerks away as Molly rubs the end of his nose with her handkerchief, then turns to Percy who is just about to leave for the front carriage.

MOLLY WEASLEY
Well, have a good term and send me an owl when you get there.

She kisses him on the cheek and he departs. She then turns on the twins.

MOLLY WEASLEY (CONT’D)
Now, you two. If I get one more owl telling me you've - you've blown up a toilet or -

FRED WEASLEY
Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet.

GEORGE WEASLEY
Great idea though, Mum.

MOLLY WEASLEY
It's not funny. And look after Ron.

FRED WEASLEY
Don't worry, ickle Ronniekins is safe with us.

RON WEASLEY
Shut up.

GEORGE WEASLEY
Hey Mum, guess what!

INT. HOGWARTS EXPRESS COMPARTMENT - LATE MORNING
(CONTINUOUS ACTION) (1/9/1991)

Harry leans back so they can’t notice him looking.

GEORGE WEASLEY (O.S.)
Guess who we just met on the train?

INT. PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS - LATE MORNING
(CONTINUOUS ACTION) (1/9/1991)
FRED WEASLEY
You know that black-haired boy who was near us in the station?

MOLLY WEASLEY
Who?

FRED WEASLEY
Harry Potter!

Ginny suddenly becomes excited.

GINNY WEASLEY
Oh, Mum, can I go on the train and see him, Mum, oh please...

MOLLY WEASLEY
You've already seen him, Ginny, and the poor boy isn't something you goggle at in a zoo. How do you know, Fred?

FRED WEASLEY
Asked him. Saw his scar. It's really there - like lightning.

MOLLY WEASLEY
Poor dear - no wonder he was alone.

FRED WEASLEY
Do you think he remembers what You-Know-Who looks like?

MOLLY WEASLEY
I forbid you to ask him, Fred. As though he needs reminding of that on his first day at school.

FRED WEASLEY
All right, keep your hair on.

A whistle sounds. Molly kisses each of them. Ginny starts to cry.

FRED WEASLEY (CONT’D)
Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.

GEORGE WEASLEY
We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat.

MOLLY WEASLEY
George!

GEORGE WEASLEY
Only joking, Mum.

The train starts to move. The door shuts and Ginny starts to run after the train.

INT. HOGWARTS EXPRESS COMPARTMENT - LATE MORNING
(CONTINUOUS ACTION) (1/9/1991)

Harry watches Ginny and Molly disappear as the train turns the corner.
The compartment door opens. Ron Weasley appears.

RON WEASLEY
Anyone sitting there? Everywhere else is full.

Harry shakes his head and Ron sits down. Harry returns to looking at the window, but Ron starts to stare at Harry.

RON WEASLEY (CONT’D)
(Suddenly)
Are you really Harry Potter?

Harry nods.

RON WEASLEY (CONT’D)
Oh - well, I thought it might be one of Fred and George's jokes.
(Pause)
And have you really got - you know...

Ron points to his forehead. Harry reveals his scar.

RON WEASLEY (CONT’D)
So that's where You-Know-Who -

HARRY POTTER
Yes, but I can't remember it.

RON WEASLEY
Nothing?

HARRY POTTER
Well - I remember a lot of green light,
(For a second, the screen fills with green light.)
but nothing else.

RON WEASLEY
Wow.

Ron starts to stare at Harry again, but then quickly looks out the window.

HARRY POTTER
Are all your family wizards?

RON WEASLEY
Er - Yes, I think so.

HARRY POTTER
Wish I'd had three wizard brothers.

RON WEASLEY
(Gloomy)
Five. I'm the sixth in our family to go to Hogwarts. Bill and Charlie have already left - Bill was head boy and Charlie was captain of Quidditch. Now Percy's a prefect. Fred and George mess around a lot, but they still get really good marks and everyone thinks they're really funny. Everyone expects me to do as well as the others, but if I do, it's no big deal, because they did it first. You never get anything new, either. I've got Bill's old robes, Charlie's old wand, and Percy's old rat.

Out of his jacket he pulls out a beaten-up, fat, grey rat (Scabbers).

RON WEASLEY (CONT’D)
His name's Scabbers and he's useless, he hardly ever wakes up.

HARRY POTTER
You must know loads of magic already. I've got loads to learn ... I bet. I bet I'm the worst in the class.

RON WEASLEY
You won't be. There's loads of people who come from Muggle families and they learn quick enough.

A smiling, dimpled woman emerges at the doorway, pushing a food trolley.

FOOD TROLLEY LADY
Anything off the trolley, dears?

Harry leaps up, but Ron mutters something about sandwiches. Looking around, Harry is surprised and confused.

THE TROLLEY

The trolley is fulled with Bettie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, Chocolate Frogs. Pumpkin Pasties, Cauldron Cakes and Licorice Wands.

A LITTLE LATER (MIDDAY)

Harry and Ron eat their way through what looks like the whole trolley. Ron’s sandwiches lay forgotten.

HARRY POTTER
What are these?

He holds up a packet of Chocolate Frogs.

HARRY POTTER (CONT’D)
They're not really frogs, are they?

RON WEASLEY
No. But see what the card is. I'm missing Agrippa. Chocolate Frogs have cards, inside them to collect - famous witches and wizards. I've got about five hundred, but I haven't got Agrippa or Ptolemy.

While he talks Harry unwraps his Chocolate Frog and takes out his card, ‘Albus Dumbledore’, which shows Dumbledore’s name and picture.

HARRY POTTER
So this is Dumbledore!

RON WEASLEY
Don't tell me you'd never heard of Dumbledore!

Harry turns it over and reads the back to himself.

HARRY POTTER
Albus Dumbledore. Currently Headmaster of Hogwarts. Considered by many the greatest wizard of modern times, Dumbledore is particularly famous for his defeat of the dark wizard Grindelwald in 1945, for the discovery of the twelve uses of dragon's blood, and his work on alchemy with his partner, Nicolas Flamel.

Harry turns the card back over. Dumbledore is no longer in frame.

HARRY POTTER (CONT’D)
He’s gone!

RON WEASLEY
Well, you can't expect him to hang around all day. He'll be back.

Harry notices Dumbledore comes back, smiling.

HARRY POTTER
You know, the Muggle world, people just stay put in photos.

RON WEASLEY
Do they? What, they don't move at all? Weird!

Knock, knock. Neville Longbottom appears at the door.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM
Sorry, but have you seen a toad at all?

Harry and Ron shake their heads.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM (CONT’D)
Yes. Well, if you see him...

Neville leaves.

RON WEASLEY
Don't know why he's so bothered. If I'd brought a toad I'd lose it as quick as I could. Mind you, I brought Scabbers, so I can't talk.
(They both look at Scabbers)
I tried to turn him yellow yesterday, but the spell didn't work. I'll show you, look...

He takes out his wand and Harry notices it is chipped in many places and that a bright white hair is almost sticking out.

Neville appears at the door again, but this time with someone else, a bushy-haired someone who is already wearing her Hogwarts robes (HERMIONE GRANGER).

HERMIONE GRANGER
Has anyone seen a toad? Neville's lost one.

RON WEASLEY
We've already told him we haven't seen it.

Hermione notices Ron’s wand.

HERMIONE GRANGER
Oh, are you doing magic? Let's see it, then.

She sits down.

RON WEASLEY
Er - Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, Turn this stupid, fat rat yellow.
He waves his wand and nothing happens.

HERMIONE GRANGER
(Speaking fast)
Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good, is it? I've tried a few simple spells just for practice and it's all worked for me. Nobody in my family's magic at all, it was ever such a surprise when I got my letter, it's the very best school of witchcraft there is, I've heard - I've learned all our course books by heart, of course, I just hope it will be enough - I'm Hermione Granger, by the way, who are you.

Harry and Ron both look, stunned, at each other.

RON WEASLEY
I’m Ron Weasley.

HARRY POTTER
Harry Potter.

HERMIONE GRANGER
Are you really? I know all about you, of course - I got a few extra books for background reading, and you're in Modern Magical History and The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts and Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century.

HARRY POTTER
Am I?

HERMIONE GRANGER
Goodness, didn't you know, I'd have found out everything I could if it was me. Do either of you know what house you'll be in? I've been asking around, and I hope I'm in Gryffindor, but I suppose Ravenclaw wouldn't be too bad ... Anyway, we'd better go and look for Neville's toad.

She and Neville leave.

RON WEASLEY
Whatever house I'm in, I hope she's not in it. Stupid spell.

HARRY POTTER
What house are your brothers in?

RON WEASLEY
Gryffindor. Mum and Dad were in it too. I don't know what they'll say if I'm not. I don't suppose Ravenclaw would be too bad, but imagine if they put me in Slytherin.

HARRY POTTER
That's the house Voldemort was in?

Ron gasps.

HARRY POTTER (CONT’D)
What?

RON WEASLEY
You said You-Know-Who's name! I'd have thought you, of all people -

HARRY POTTER
I'm not trying to be brave or anything, saying the name, I just never knew you shouldn't.

Pause.

HARRY POTTER (CONT’D)
So what do your oldest brothers do now that they've left Hogwarts, anyway?

RON WEASLEY
Charlie's in Romania studying dragons, and Bill's in Africa doing something for Gringotts. Did you hear about Gringotts? It's been all over the Daily Prophet. Someone tried to rob a high security vault.

HARRY POTTER
Really? What happened to them?

RON WEASLEY
Nothing, that's why it's such big news. They haven't been caught. Everyone gets scared when something like this happens in case You-Know-Who's behind it.

Harry takes this in.

LATE AFTERNOON/EVENING

Three people appear at the doorway (DRACO MALFOY, VINCENT CRABBE and GREGORY GOYLE)

DRACO MALFOY
Is it true? They're saying all down the train that Harry Potter's in this compartment.

Draco looks to Harry, who looks to Crabbe and Goyle who look large enough to be bodyguards.

DRACO MALFOY (CONT’D)
Oh, this is Crabbe and this is Goyle. And my name's Malfoy, Draco Malfoy.

Ron makes a cough to hide a s******.

DRACO MALFOY (CONT’D)
Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask who you are. My father told me all the Weasleys have red hair, freckles, and more children than they can afford.

He turns back to Harry.

DRACO MALFOY (CONT’D)
You'll soon find out some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.

He holds out his hand, but Harry doesn’t take it.

HARRY POTTER
I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks.

Malfoy steps back, withdrawing his hand.

DRACO MALFOY
I'd be careful if I were you, Potter. Unless you're a bit politer you'll go the same way as your parents.

HARRY POTTER
Why don't you leave now?
(He glances at Crabbe and Goyle, much larger than him and Ron)

DRACO MALFOY
But we don't feet like leaving, do we, boys? We've eaten all our food and you still seem to have some.

Goyle reaches for a Chocolate Frog, but he gives a horrible yell.

Scabbers sways from Goyle’s finger. He has bitten him. Goyle throw Scabbers across the room and he, Malfoy and Crabbe leave.

Ron picks Scabbers up.

RON WEASLEY
I think he's been knocked out. No - I don't believe it - he's gone back to sleep -

Footsteps are heard in the corridor.

HERMIONE GRANGER
What has been going on?

Hermione Granger appears again.

RON WEASLEY
Can we help you with something?

HERMIONE GRANGER
You haven't been fighting, have you? You'll be in trouble before we even get there!

RON WEASLEY
Scabbers has been fighting, not us. Would you mind leaving now?

HERMIONE GRANGER
All right - I only came in here because people outside are behaving very childishly, racing up and down the corridors.
(Beat)
And you've got dirt on your nose, by the way, did you know?

She leaves.

EXT. HOGSMEADE STATION - EVENING
(1/9/1991)

The Hogwarts Express starts to slow down and finally reaches the station. Students, all in their robes, are exiting excitedly. Hagrid calls over them, carrying a lamp.

RUBEUS HAGRID
Firs' years! Firs' years over here! All right there, Harry?

Harry makes his way forward with Ron.

RUBEUS HAGRID (CONT’D)
C'mon, follow me - any more firs' years? Mind yer step, now! Firs' years follow me!
  

It's still too long for my liking


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  #114  
Old January 4th, 2008, 8:06 pm
Blast_ended  Undisclosed.gif Blast_ended is offline
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Posts: 183
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

MrSleepyHead, One of the things I absolutely hate about the HP adaptions so far are plot holes, things left in the air. It was never explained who killed Crouch in GoF or who sent the dementors in OotP, not to mention a lot of other plot holes. I don't want any at my adaption, so I included a lot of explaining, but I feel that in order to be a true classic everything must be clear (one of the main flaws of "Silence of the Lambs", for example, is it misses some details found only in the book - for example, how come Buffalo Bill ended up in Mrs. Lippman house).

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSleepyHead View Post
I do not have time to read much of this, but I scrolled down and immediately saw the Dirk/Ted/Griphook scene. Cut this.
Well, my thought was I needed to introduce Griphook and Gringotts, the fake sword location, and I wanted a lot of death around (this is why I left Hedwig's and Moody's death - to create a feeling that it it the real thing this time, anyone may die). I also think we need to have Ted Tonks in order to explain Teddy's name. It is short and I don't think it will bother many people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSleepyHead View Post
In Dark Lord Ascending, do not mention that Lupin/Tonks have been married: have their wedding be in the stead of Bill and Fleur's (ah - just a typo, I see).
That's excatly what I did. I mentioned it at the opening because I wanted to have Bellatrix swearing to kill Tonks; I want it to be clear that even though Harry see Lupin's breaking up with Tonks as a cowardly move, Lupin is right in saying he made tonks an outcast; Bellatrix killed her, because of him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSleepyHead View Post
Also, Ollivander's appearance is most unexpected. Few will remember who he is, so Voldemort needing information from him will be confusing (the readers of the book understood that Ollivander would tell him about the twin cores - the movie audience will be clueless). Thus, substitute him with somebody else or cut this part.
I think Ollivander is needed to explain about wands. It dosen't matter he appeared before, he is reintroduced. I might add a line where he is introduced as "the famous wandmaker", just to make his job clear.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSleepyHead View Post
You spent too long with dialogue between Harry and the Dursleys. It should be quick, and the guard should appear at the same time, with one or two members taking the Dursleys away. Cut the tastiness of Harry's potion (no one remembers it from CoS).
This scene is extremely short, and I think it is good in creating the atmosphere. While in the past the Dursleys were used as comic characters, now they are in danger...

As for the potion, I thought it was a funny line so I kept it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSleepyHead View Post
Cut the ghoul and Scrimgeour. I would have Mad-Eye give him the bag at the Dursleys or Kingsley/Lupin give him the stuff at the Burrow (the trio will go up to Ron's room and look at the stuff there). Cut Lupin at Grimmauld Place. Perhaps even cut Kreacher's story/locket - have Harry have the locket since his excursion into the cave.
The ghoul is for the plot holes thing. It needed explanation how come the death eaters aren't going for Ron's family, and it also shows us how serious the situation is.

Scrimegour might be unnecessary, but the will objects are important and I thought it would be better to give "The minister" a face, in order to make his death more effective.

Lupin in Grimmauld Place is absolutely necessary. First of all, it's a great character moment. Secondly, I used it to give a lot of information: Tonks is pregnant, Taboo, snape as headmaster, and as a way to get the trio out of GP. And thirdly, if I want Lupin's death to have an impact on the audience, I need to give him a fair amount of screentime...


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  #115  
Old January 5th, 2008, 12:18 am
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Blast_ended, you may think I am snobbing you, but I did respond to your DH script. It's the first post on page 4.

As well as reworking 'The Journey from Platform 9 3/4', I've also reworked the opening of the script, following this comment:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
Oh Arry there is just SO much. I like some of the things but you have ALOT of things there. Why the prophecy at the beginning? You're introducing something that won't get brought up again until the 5th film and probably won't be resolved until the 6th. I mean it's an interesting concept and if this was a trilogy I'd say yeah good idea! It'll be interesting to see how your series shapes up though. What is the time limit you're giving yourself?
PS: WhisphersEXT. THE POTTER’S COTTAGE - GODRIC’S HOLLOW - EVENING
(31/10/1981)

A gate is left open in front of a cottage, is curtains fully drawn and its door blasted open.

SYBILL TRELAWNEY (V.O.)
(In a hoarse voice)
The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord...

INT. HARRY’S ROOM - THE POTTER’S COTTAGE - GODRIC’S HOLLOW - EVENING

An infant (1-YEAR-OLD HARRY POTTER) stares at a hooded figure (VOLDEMORT). Light catches its face and Harry begins to cry.

VOLDEMORT
Avada Kedavra!

EXT. THE POTTER’S COTTAGE - GODRIC’S HOLLOW - EVENING
(31/10/1981)

Green light erupts from an upstairs room. Sounds of agony can be heard, both from Harry and Voldemort

SYBILL TRELAWNEY (V.O.)
...approaches...

The title “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” fills the screen.



Last edited by ArryGrotter; January 5th, 2008 at 12:23 am.
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  #116  
Old January 8th, 2008, 5:08 pm
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArryGrotter View Post
Have you noticed my script? It's still too long for my liking

Indeed but it's a big improvement over the other one. Keep it up. One thing I like that you did was that instead of having Harry and Ron talking about candy you had Ron give Harry a little insight of the wizarding world. I wish they'd done that with the actual film but talking about candy is more exciting

Also I like the new intro you've written out. Good job

My thing is to we really have to hear Fred and George tell their mom about Harry? I just think that's the one thing that slows your script down. Sure it's MUCH better than what you had originally. Also Ron going on about his other brothers. You're going to have to bring them up again eventually when they're needed and I think at this moment they really aren't. They're just named and the Gringott thing..won't we find that out later? Once you bring it up we might as well hear it all in full instead of just a little..but that's just my opinion and it doesn't matter much

Anywho here's the next section of my HBP script.

caption:    


  INT. DUMBLEDORE’S OFFICE-NIGHT

DUMBLEDORE
Have you managed the task I set you at the end of our previous lesson?

HARRY
Well, no sir, seeing the situation with Ron and all.

DUMBLEDORE
Yes, I see. And after Mr. Weasley was found to be well, did you try again?

HARRY
Well…no…

DUMBLEDORE
I thought I made it clear to you how very important that memory is Harry. It is the most crucial memory of all and we will be wasting our time without it.

HARRY
It isn’t that I wasn’t trying…I’ve just had other things….I’m sorry sir.

DUMBLEDORE
There will be little point in our meeting after tonight unless we have that memory. Now, I have two memories to show to you. One is from the house elf Hokey and the other one is from me. Now Harry if you please…

(The scene cuts to them standing in a room with a lady and a house elf walking around carrying a tray.)

INT-HEPZIBAH’S LIVING ROOM-EVENING (THE PAST)

HEPZIBAH
How do I look Hokey?

HEKEY
Lovely, madam.

HEPZIBAH
He should be on his way..
(She walks over to the window and looks out)
Oh yes I see him.

The doorbell rings and she runs and opens the door. The door opens and standing there is Tom Riddle holding flowers.

TOM
I brought you flowers.

HEPZIBAH
You naughty boy, you shouldn’t have. Come in Tom, sit down.

She leads him to a room and they both sit down and Hokey brings in a trey of cakes.

HEPZIBAH
Help yourself to a cake Tom. You look pale; they’re overworking you at that shop I see. So, what brings you here today?

TOM
Mr. Burke would like to make an imporved offer for the goblin made armor.

HEPZIBAH
Mr. Burke huh (she chuckles.) Can you keep a secret, Tom? Promise me you won’t tell Mr. Burke!

TOM
I’d be glad to see anything Miss Hepzibah shows me.

HEPZIBAH
Hokey! I want you to bring Tom my…finest treasures.
(Hokey enters with two leather boxes and hands them to her.)
Now, (she opens the first one and pulls out a small golden cup.) Do you know what this is Tom?

TOM
A badger. Was this, by chance, Helga Hufflepuff’s?

HEPZIBAH
You clever boy! This has been handed down in the family for years. It’s supposed to posses all sorts of powers, but I haven’t tested them thoroughly.

She places it back in the box and hands it to Hokey. She opens the next one and pulls out a locket with the S hanging from it.

TOM
(With excitement in his eyes.)
Slytherin’s Mark!

HEPZIBAH
That’s right! Bought it from Burke, apparently he bought it from a ragged looking woman who seemed to have stolen it, but had no idea of it’s true value.

TOM
Can I?

HEPZIBAH
Oh sure Tom
(She hands it to him and we see a light in his eyes as he looks at the necklace.)
Pretty isn’t it, all kinds of powers are within.

As we see Tom continue to look at the necklace the camera pans over to Harry and Dumbledore.

DUMBLEDORE
Needless to say Harry, Hepzibah Smith died two days after this little scene. Hokey was convicted of poisining her.

HARRY
Do you think Voldermort…?

DUMBLEDORE
Modified her memory as well? Now Harry I have one more memory to bestow upon you. (The scene with them slowly fades around Dumbledore and Harry and soon they are standing in Dumbledores office, only in the past..)

INT-DUMBLEDORE’S OFFICE-NIGHT (20? YEARS EARLIER)

A young Dumbledore is sitting behind his desk and there’s a knock on the door

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
Enter!

The door opens and in walks a young Voldemort. The darkness is very apparent in his appearance now, and his physical appearance is already starting to change.

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
Good evening Tom, won’t you sit down?

VOLDEMORT
Thank you. I heard that you had become headmaster, a worthy choice.

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
I am glad you approve. So what do I owe this pleasure, Tom?

VOLDEMORT
They do not call me ‘Tom’ anymore these days Dumbledore, I am known as…

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
I know what you are known as, however I’m afraid you will always be Tom Riddle to me.
(Voldermort frowns slighty at the sound of this.)
So what brings you here Tom?

VOLDEMORT
I have returned to ask that you permit me to return to this castle, to teach. I could show and tell your students things they can gain from no other wizard.

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
Yes, I certainly do know that you have seen and done much since leaving us. Rumors of your doings have reached your old school, Tom. I should be sorry to believe half of them.

VOLDEMORT
Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, and spite spawns lies. You must know this, Dumbledore.

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
You call it ‘greatness’ what you have been doing?

VOLDEMORT
Certainly. I have pushed the boundaries of magic further perhaps, than they have ever been pushed.

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
Of some kinds of magic Tom. Of others, I’m afraid, you remain woefully ignorant

VOLDEMORT
(Laughs)
The old argument. But nothing I have seen in the world has supported your famous pronouncements that love is more powerful than my kind of magic, Dumbledore.

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
Perhaps you’ve been looking in the wrong places.

VOLDEMORT
Will you let me return? I place myself and my talents at your disposal. I am yours to command.

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
And what will become of those who call themselves, the Death Eaters, whom I hear you, command.

VOLDEMORT
My friends will carry on without me, I’m sure.

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
I am glad to hear you consider them friends. You see I was under the impression that they are more in the order of servants.

VOLDEMORT
You are mistaken.

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
Then why Tom are there a group of people sitting at the Hog’s Head awaiting your return? Devoted friends indeed, to travel this far with you on a snowy night, merely to wish you luck as you attempt to secure a teaching post.

VOLDEMORT
You are omniscient as ever, Dumbledore

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
Maybe so, then again I could just know the right people in the right places. Let us speak openly, why have you come here tonight, surrounded by henchmen, to request a job we both know you do not want?

VOLDEMORT
I do not want? On the contrary, Dumbledore, I want it very much.

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
I disagree Tom. Stop with the games and tell me what you want.

VOLDEMORT
I’ve told you. Now if you simply don’t want to give me the job…

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
Of course I don’t, and I don’t think for a moment you expected me to.

VOLDEMORT
(He stands up with rage in his eyes.)
This is your final word?

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
It is.

VOLDEMORT
Then we have nothing more to say to each other!

YOUNG DUMBLEDORE
I’m afraid not.

Voldemort sneers and walks furiously out of the room and there is a flash and

INT. DUMBLEDORE’S OFFICE-NIGHT (PRESENT DAY)

Harry and Dumbledore are now standing in front of the Penseive.

HARRY
Why did he come back sir?

DUMBLEDORE
I have ideas, but I can’t tell you what they are until you have retrieved that memory from Professor Slughorn.

HARRY
Was he after the Defense Against the Dark Arts job sir?

DUMBLEDORE
Definitely. The aftermath of our little meeting proved that. You see we have never been able to keep a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for longer than a year since I refused the post to Lord Voldemort.

(The camera zooms in to Harry’s face as he now understands why no teacher has lasted in the class.and fades.

INT. DARK CORRIDOR/BOYS BATHROOM-EVENING

The scene fades back in with Ron and Harry walking down the hall. Harry is reading his Advanced Potions book as Ron talks

RON
Anything good in there the prince has to say?

HARRY
There is this, Sectumsempra, it says For Enemies. I wonder what it does.

RON
Dunno, just make sure you don’t try it out on me will you.

HARRY
I don’t know; just make sure you stay on my good side.

The walk into the bathroom and we see Moaning Myrtle pop out of one of the toilets.

MYRTLE
Oh, it’s you two.

HARRY
Myrtle?

RON
What are you doing here? This is the boys’ bathroom you know!

HARRY
Are you expecting anyone?

MYRTLE
I suppose not. He said he’d come back and see me, but then you said you’d pop in and visit me too and I havent seen you for months and months. I’ve learned not to expect too much from boys.

HARRY
I thought you lived in the girls’ bathroom.

MYRTLE
I do but that doesn’t mean I can’t visit other places. I came and saw you in your bath once, remember.

HARRY
Vividly.

MYRTLE
Maybe if you two left, he’d come back…we had lots in common

RON
So you mean he lives in an S-bend too?

MYRTLE
No, he’s sensitive. People bully him too and he feels lonely and hasn’t got anybody to talk too. He’s not afraid to show his feelings and cry.

HARRY
There’s been a boy in here crying? Who was it?

MYRTLE
Never you mind! I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone, and I’ll take his secret to the…

RON
I hope you’re not going to say the grave, the sewers maybe…

She lets out a howl and flies back into the toilet.

RON
Yeah…now like I was saying…

HARRY
Dobby?

The camera pans and shows Dobby hiding behind one of the stalls.

DOBBY
Dobby has come to report news on the Malfoy boy.

HARRY
Where’s Kreacher…you know what..nevermind..what do you have to tell me?

DOBBY
The Malfoy boy is breaking no rules that Dobby can discover. He has, however, been making regular visits to the seventh floor with a variety of other students, who keep watch for him while he enters…

HARRY
The Room of Requirements…

INT. GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM-NIGHT

The scene fades to Harry, Ron, and Hermione sitting in front of the fire place in the Gryffindor common room.

HARRY
How good is this, we know where Malfoy’s going!

RON
(He is writing out his DADA homework and says very dryly..)
Yeah it’s great

HERMIONE
Before you get excited Harry, I still don’t think you’ll be able to get into the Room of Requirments without knowing what’s there first. You have to know exactly what Malfoy wants from the room. And besides you should be concentrating on getting the memory from Slughorn…

HARRY
I haven’t forgotten about Slughorn, but I haven’t a clue how to get that memory off him, and until I get a brain wave or something, why shouldn’t I find out what Malfoy’s doing?

HERMIONE
It’s odd, Malfoy’s been looking pale and overworked lately…

RON
This is ridiculous! How could Snape possibly think we’d finish this essay! I can’t get a hang of apparation and the tests are coming up as well, I can’t take all this pressure!

HERMIONE
Harry and I finished it days ago Ronald, that’s what you get for waiting to the last minute. And Apparation isn’t that bad, you saw that Harry attempted it.

RON
I’m never gonna finish this…

HERMIONE
(Frustrated)
Oh honestly Ron...
(she grabs the parchment from him)
I’ll finish it for you!

RON
I love you, Hermione

He sits back in his chair relived and Hermione blushes slightly and begins to write as the scene fades to…

EXT. THE BLACK LAKE-AFTERNOON

Harry and Neville are sitting outside outside the black lake. Neville is looking at plants and Harry is sitting out looking at the lake with a look of deep though on his face.

HARRY
Neville, say that you had a friend and your friend liked his best friends sister.

NEVILLE
You like Ginny?

HARRY
I didn’t say it was about me…its my friend!

NEVILLE
Sure…ok…

HARRY
Anyways, my “friend” has known her for a while and didn’t realize how much he cared for her. Now he doesn’t want to try it because he doesn’t want to risk this friendship with his friend. I mean his friend is a bit…I mean I don’t know. What would you do?

NEVILLE
You’re asking me about girl problems?

HARRY
(Thinking about it)
Oh, yeah… right

NEVILLE
Hey Hermione!

She runs into the shot with a big smile on her face.

HERMIONE
I passed the Apparation tests!

NEVILLE
Well done!

HARRY
Don’t think I expected anything less of you. How did Ron do?

HERMIONE
Oh…well he just failed.

HARRY
Are you serious? What happened?

HERMIONE
It was really unlucky; he’d left half an eyebrow behind.

Harry and Neville just starts to laugh.

INT-BRIDGE-EVENING (SAME DAY)

RON
Half an eyebrow, HALF AN EYEBROW!

HERMIONE
Well it could’ve been worse.

RON
Oh come off it Hermione.

Luna walks up to them holding an item that looks like a green onion, a large spotted toadstool, and a considerable amount of what looks like cat litter.

LUNA
HARRY!

HARRY
Hey Luna…

LUNA
(She thrust the item into Rons hand)
I’ve been told to give you this.

RON
What the bloody hell is this thing?

LUNA
It’s a Gurdyroot of course! You can keep it if you like, they’re really excellent for warding off Gulping Plimpies.

RON
Um, (he hands it back to her)No thanks.

LUNA
Ok then…
(She grabs it and walks away humming a tune.)

RON
You know, she’s grown on me, I know she’s insane, but it’s in a good…

HARRY
Oh no.

HERMIONE
What is it? Is it Dumbledore?

HARRY
No, Aragog died. He wants us to come to the funeral.

RON
He’s mental! That thing told its mates to eat Harry and Me!

HERMIONE
You’re not going are you…Harry you can’t! It’s such a pointless thing to get detention over. You should be trying to get that memory from Slughorn!

HARRY
Don’t you think I’ve been trying?

HERMIONE
How?

HARRY
I…well….it doesn’t matter how! I’ve tried it hundreds of times, I just can’t get any luck.

RON
Luck! Harry, you could use your lucky potion!

HERMIONE
Ron, that’s it!
  



Yay!! That actually works wonderfully...thanks for the tip ArryGrotter


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  #117  
Old January 10th, 2008, 9:11 pm
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSleepyHead View Post
Also, the audience will have forgotten many of the points Bellatrix brings up:
Well, that depends on the person. Even so, it's not necessary that everyone everywhere remember everything that Bellatrix brings up for the scene to work.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSleepyHead View Post
why Snape stopped Voldemort from getting the Stone (SS/PS), why he did not fight at the Ministry (OotP
I didn't bring either of those points up in my version.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSleepyHead View Post
Overall, this scene requires flashbacks that ruin its mood.
You're right, flashbacks would kill the mood. As I just indicated, though, I don't see why they'd be needed here.

Obviously we disagree that mine would be boring (I can't imagine anything with Alan Rickman and Helena Bonham Carter could be boring). I do agree that yours was the more intense take; but then, I wasn't going for intensity so much as a subtler kind of tension, an uneasiness, a feeling of the audience having the rug pulled out from under them by the claims Snape makes of his loyalty. I think both work, but that's subjective. This just points to what makes this thread interesting; to see a deceptively-simple scene like this interpreted so very differently. It'd be dull otherwise. It should be fun to see how my HBP draft differs from Phrozenone's as well (ditto for DH, come to think of it).

Anyway, speaking of the Prince, I know I said in my last post that I'd try either the Harry/Dumbledore scene from GoF's end or OotP's end, but, well, that's been put on hold for the moment as I'm not getting to HBP as often as I'd like as is. So here are my versions of "Will and Won't" and "Horace Slughorn". Hopefully I've captured the importance of these two chapters (and I am keeping them both, 'though I know some people disagree with that choice) without going on too long. I will say I am a bit worried about the pace here, but I know I've got a better flow going once I get to the Burrow. I tried to keep as much of Rowling's visual detail as I could to (hopefully) offset the amount of dialogue.

The title would come straight after that close-up on Snape saying "I will".

The title Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince fills the frame, drowned out within seconds by the bright white of a streetlight on Privet Drive. We pan backward from Harry's bedroom window, to HEDWIG sitting in her cage, to HARRY sitting on his bed, a few 'DAILY PROPHETS's and random pamphlets scattered around him, looking through the photo album given to him years ago, at images of the original ORDER OF THE PHOENIX and of newlyweds LILY and JAMES laughing alongside best man SIRIUS. Next moment, Harry's attention is diverted by the extinguishing of the streetlight just outside his window.
CUT TO:
The front door opens to show DUMBLEDORE waiting there.

DUMBLEDORE
Good evening, Harry. I wonder -

At that, the bellow of "Who the ruddy hell is calling at this time of night?!" signals UNCLIE VERNON's entrance out of the sitting room and into the hallway; Aunt PETUNIA and DUDLEY follow from out of the kitchen.

DUMBLEDORE
Ah, you must be Petunia; and this, of course, is Vernon and young Dudley. Would it be too large an imposition if I came in for a moment? It is unwise to lurk in doorways in these troubled times, and there is something we should discuss.

Dumbledore takes notice of the look on the Dursleys' collective faces, pure shock at the ghastly

DUMBLEDORE
Judging by the looks of stunned disbelief on your faces, Harry did not tell I was coming?

After a predictable scowl Harry's way, this remark seems to give Vernon the nerve to speak up.

VERNON
No, he did not! Now, I don't mean to be rude -

DUMBLEDORE
(stepping over the threshold and closing the door behind him) Yet sadly accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often. However, let us just assume that you have welcomed me warmly into your home just the same. (walking into the next room and sitting at the nearest armchair) Well, we may as well all be comfortable.

With a casual wave of his wand, Dumbledore sends the sitting room sofa zooming under the three Dursleys' legs, leaving them in a heap on it, and then back to it's original position.

DUMBLEDORE
Drinks, perhaps.

Dumbledore waves his wand once again, and a glass of honey-colored liquid floats into Harry's hand. We (and Harry) have noticed that Dumbledore's right hand now appears blackened and withered, as if the flesh had been burnt away.

DUMBLEDORE
Madam Rosmerta's finest mead.

Three other glasses float toward the Dursleys, scrunched together on the now-tiny sofa; as if their lives depended on it, they ignore the drinks floating before them.

DUMBLEDORE
Now, getting down to business, Harry, I must tell you that Sirius' will was discovered a week ago.

Harry seems to cringe slightly at hearing his godfather's name.

HARRY
Oh. Right.

DUMBLEDORE
It seems you inherit a fair amount of gold to add your vault, in addition to all of Sirius' remaining possessions, including #12 Grimmauld Place itself, which means ownership of the Blacks' house elf Kreacher.

A quick cut here to the confused/horrified Dursleys, the glasses now gently rapping against the sides of their heads.

HARRY
I don't want the house; the Order should keep using it. And I don't want to be Kreacher's master either.

On "Kreacher", a faint pop signals KREACHER's appearance in the room, sitting on the floor, pounding his fists, and repeating "Kreacher won't!" in his bullfrog's voice. Vernon looks no more frustrated than usual, Dudley simply dumbstruck, but Petunia lets out a sharp shriek and lifts her feet a bit off the floor.

DUMBLEDORE
I'm afraid in that matter you have no choice. However, I wonder if you would permit him a post in the Hogwarts kitchens with the other house-elves.

HARRY
Sure; I didn't know Hogwarts employed house-elves, though.

DUMBLEDORE
Indeed.

HARRY
Kreacher, shut up! (silence) Kreacher, I want you to go to Hogwarts, to work with the other house-elves.

Kreacher ceases his tantrum and replies with his usual scowl "Kreacher will do as his master commands" and disappears.

DUMBLEDORE
Well, that's settled.

VERNON
It most surely is not!

The mead glasses are now hammering against the Dursleys' heads, Petunia and Dudley making pointless attempts to cower.

VERNON
The - th - WILL YOU GET THESE RUDDY THINGS OFF US?!

DUMBLEDORE
Oh, I'm sorry. (vanishing them) It would have been better manners to drink them, you know

Vernon is clearly stifling a harsher reply as he asks:

VERNON
The boy - his godfather's dead? And he's been left the house?

DUMBLEDORE
That's right.

VERNON
Then why on earth does he need to be here?

DUMBLEDORE
A worthy question, and indeed what I wished to discuss with you. You see, when I placed Harry on your doorstep nearly 15 years ago, I invoked a magic that would ensure his safety here as long as he could call this place home, as long as he was welcomed, treated with fairness, and kindness. You have not done this; instead, he has been greeted to neglect and cruelty at your hands. However, you have taken him in, albeit reluctantly, and so the protection was effective. This charm will expire at the precise moment Harry turns 17. I ask that you find it in yourselves to take him in one last brief time before his next birthday

At this, the Dursleys remain sitting on the couch, stupidly speechless.

EXT. PRIVET DRIVE - DEAD OF NIGHT
Dumbledore and Harry reach the end of the street. As they stop, Dumbledore takes out a small, metallic gadget and sends the lights returning to their streetlamps. Harry catches another glimpse of his mangled hand and now notices a clumsily-made gold band on his ring finger, a cracked black stone in it's center.

HARRY
Professor, what did happen to your hand?

DUMBLEDORE
Oh, it is a most enthralling tale; one I wish to do justice, later. Now, you have not, of course, passed your apparition test.

HARRY
No. I though you had to be 17.

DUMBLEDORE
You do. Take my arm, then - the left, if you would.

Harry does so and in an instant they disappear from Privet Drive and reappear in a deserted forest lane. Harry seems somewhat shaken by this, his first experience with apparition.

DUMBLEDORE
You're alright?

HARRY
Fine, but I think I prefer a broom.

Dumbledore grins at this as he and Harry start down the wooded path.

HARRY
Professor, where exactly are we?

DUMBLEDORE
This, Harry, is the charming village of Budleigh Babberton. We are going to be attempting to convince an old colleague of mine to come out of retirement and return to Hogwarts. We do seem to move through faculty rather often, don't we?

They stop at the first of a group of small stone cottages, with gardens before the front doors. Clearly there have been other visitors here, as Dumbledore takes a troubled look at the front door hanging off it's hinges, broken windows and small fires around.

DUMBLEDORE
Wand out and follow me, Harry.

Harry does so and they both mutter "Lumos" as they walk into the sitting room, where a scene of total devastation meets their eyes. By the wandlight we see a piano turned on it's side, keys strewn about, cushions thoroughly ripped and punctured, a splintered grandfather clock sitting at their feet, bits of glass spread like powder over everything, glass apparently from a wrecked chandelier sitting in the middle of the room, and a smattering of blood on the far wall.

HARRY
Do you think he's -

DUMBLEDORE
- somewhere in this room still.

Dumbledore glances at the chair to his left, the only untouched item in the room, mutters "Nox", and points his wand toward it. In an instant, what was just an overstuffed armchair is now an enormously fat, balding, walrus-mustached old man looking up at Dumbledore with aggrieved, watery eyes (Harry's eyes go wide for a moment).

DUMBLEDORE
Good evening, Horace.

HORACE
Albus! Wa-w-what gave me away?

DUMBLEDORE
My dear Horace, if the Death Eaters really had come to call, surely The Dark Mark would have been set over the house.

HORACE
The Dark Mark, I knew I forgot something!

HORACE begins to walk around the room and repair the damage as Dumbledore asks him:

DUMBLEDORE
Tell me, Horace, these extra precautions, moving from one absent muggle home to the next, placing every protective enchantment in your arsenal over them: would they be for the Death Eaters' benefit or mine?

HORACE
My dear Albus, what would the Death Eaters want with a broken-down old buffer like me?

DUMBLEDORE
Oh, surely they'd apply your considerable talents to...torture, to murder.

HORACE
Now, Albus, I -

The wreckage repaired, Horace turns around and notices Harry standing there, a few paces behind Dumbledore.

HORACE
Oh. Oho!

DUMBLEDORE
Oh, how very rude of me: Harry Potter, this is Horace Slughorn.

SLUGHORN
So that's how you thought you'd persuade me, is it? Well, my answer remains no!

DUMBLEDORE
Is that so? Well, if I cmay use your bathroom before we take our leave..

SLUGHORN
Yes, it's, uh, second to the left down the hall.

Dumbledore leaves the room the room and SLUGHORN looks at Harry, paying keenest attention (unsurprisingly) to the lightning scar on Harry's forehead.

SLUGHORN
You look very like your father. Except the eyes; you've got your -

HARRY
Mother's eyes, yeah, I've heard.

SLUGHORN
Hmpf; you'll be Gryffindor like her, I suppose?

Harry nods.

SLUGHORN
Of course you shouldn't have favorites as a teacher, but your mother: she was charming, funny, one of the brightest I ever taught. Shame she wasn't in my house.

HARRY
Which was your house?

SLUGHORN
I was head of Slytherin. (noticing the uncertain look on Harry's face) I know what you're thinking, and don't go holding that against me. (beat) Anyway, it's all well and good for Dumbledore to talk, but going back to Hogwarts would be tantamount to declaring my allegiance to The Order of the Phoenix, and while I'm sure they're all very brave and admirable and all that, I don't fancy the mortality rate!

HARRY
You don't have to be in the Order to teach at Hogwarts; only three of the teachers are in it, and besides, none of them's been killed.

SLUGHORN
Yes, well -

HARRY
I reckon Hogwarts is about the safest place to be now, actually. I mean, the only reason Voldemort (Slughorn cringes slightly at hearing the name.) hasn't come after Hogwarts by now is because of Dumbledore, isn't it?

SLUGHORN
That's true, but -

HARRY
And there've been loads of new protective enchantments put over the school; surely you're better off there than on the run?

SLUGHORN
I - I suppose -

Slughorn pauses to contemplate this as Dumbledore walks back in.

DUMBLEDORE
Shall we be off, Harry?.

SLUGHORN
Alright. Alright, I'll do it!

DUMBLEDORE
You will?

SLUGHORN
I must be mad, but yes, I'll go back. Of course, I'll expect a pay rise.

DUMBLEDORE
(a slight grin on his face) Of course.

EXT. THE BURROW - BACK DOOR - DEAD OF NIGHT
Harry and Dumbledore stop just before the back entrance.

DUMBLEDORE
I hope you'll forgive me for mentioning it, Harry, but before we part, I wish to say how pleased and...proud of how well you are coping with what happened at the Ministry. Permit me to say that I think Sirius would be proud. (beat) It's cruel that you had so little time together.

HARRY
It's just hard - to realize I'll never talk to him again. (pause) It could be me next ,couldn't it? Well, if it is, I'll just make it my business to take as many Death Eaters with me as I can; and Voldemort too if I can manage it.

DUMBLEDORE
Truly spoken like the son of Lily and James Potter, and Sirius' true godson.


So that's it. Let me say this: it definitely reads slower than I imagine it; however, it's still probably a bit lengthy. Most of my cuts are pretty self-explanatory (You can only watch Harry/Dumbledore walk around Budleigh Babberton for so long, for instance, and some information relayed through 'Daily Prophet' stories will be fit in later.) I'll surely be making constant tweaks to this post like I did with "Spinner's End", but what do you think as of now?


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  #118  
Old January 14th, 2008, 9:30 pm
shaun0505  Male.gif shaun0505 is offline
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Here's a scene I wrote for the beginning of Deathly Hallows. It's short and to the point which is what they (WB) want.

A dark cloudy sky. The metallic looking Warner Brothers Logo flies through the air and directly towards the screen. The camera passes through centre of the logo leaving a dark cloudy sky. Through the clouds come the title 'HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS.' The music of Hedwigs theme quietens as the camera pans down onto an old country lane.
A crane shot of the country lane. The sky is clear. In the distant a noble manor house can be seen, lights glimmering in the night.
Several loud cracks are heard followed by a bang. Two men have appeared in the lane. One of them is lying on the floor, the other stands over him, a small wooden wand in his hand.

YAXLEY
Snape, whatch'a playing at?

SNAPE
Apologies Yaxley, yet you could have been anyone.

Yaxley gets to his feet and the pair make their way to a iron gate in front of the manor house. They pass through and make their way up the lane to the house.

YAXLEY
I would have got here sooner but I got held back. (He pauses) You are sure that your news is correct.

SNAPE
If everything goes to plan. The Dark Lords work the past sixteen years will finally be worth it.

YAXLEY
You mean Potter? What-

Yaxley is cut off as they reach the door of the Manor. Snape knocks and several seconds later a pale boy (Draco Malfoy) opens the door and lets Snape and Yaxley through.
Yaxley and Snape make their way through the house to a back room where a large group of people are sat around a table. Snape sits next to the tallest man, who is sat stroking a large snake. Yaxley sits.

VOLDEMORT
Snape, what news do you have?

SNAPE
They are moving the boy earlier than we anticipated, the twenty seventh is the date I have heard.

YAXLEY
Why would they do that? If his protection ends on the thirty-first it would seem foolish to leave any earlier.

SNAPE
The order, believes that we think exactly that way Yaxley. They are moving him earlier as they think that we will go on the thirty-first.

VOLDEMORT
Indeed. I wondered whether... No matter. Yet we should not be too confident. It would be a blow if he left and we were not informed. Where will they be taking him?

SNAPE
The Burrow. But the protection there will be too great to get him. That is, if we fail.

VOLDEMORT
Which is why we must not. I have been too careless where Harry Potter is concerned. That he lives is more of my failure than his triumphs. I must deal with him myself.

There is silence around the table. Draco Malfoy is staring out into space and not paying attention to the meeting.

VOLDEMORT
You will notice, we have a guest with us this evening.

He points upwards where is figure is slowly rotating.

VOLDEMORT
This, is Professor Burbage, who until most recently, taught at Hogwarts school. She also wrote a lengthy article in the Daily Prophet about how muggles should be treated as equals and how we should embrace them. Obviously I couldn't let such a person to miss out on our meeting.

BURBAGE
Severus... please....

VOLDEMORT
Were you taught by Burbage, Draco?

Draco turns and shakes his head.

VOLDEMORT
Of course. Burbage taught Muggle Studies. And you are of noble blood. Of course you would not take her subject.

BURBAGE
Severus please! Help me!

Snape ignores Burbage. Voldemort withdraws a long thin wand.

VOLDEMORT
Avada Kedavra!

Burbage falls to the table with a crash. The snake slowly falls off Voldemort's shoulders as he says

VOLDEMORT
Dinner, Nagini...

END OF SCENE


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  #119  
Old January 15th, 2008, 12:15 am
MrSleepyHead's Avatar
MrSleepyHead  Male.gif MrSleepyHead is offline
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArryGrotter
That just doesn't seem as powerful as I always it in the book. Dumbledore cries, doesn't he? And Fawkes sings. I'd find that scene much powerful if there was a tear down Dumbledore's face.
Yes, in the book Dumbledore's becomes teary-eyed and Harry looks at his knees. Fawkes lets out a singsong moan, and Dumbledore says "I'm touched." This, I believe, should be kept if "Dumbledore's man through and through" is kept.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArryGrotter
I don't think there is enough importance on this scene, but then again there wasn't much in the book. Hmmm....
Yes, there are better ways to make the audience question Snape's loyalty then this scene (Hagrid saying that Dumbledore was angry with Snape). Also, the audience will be incredibly confused by it, since it would only quickly be resolved in DH. This scene should be cut.

The Journey from Platform Nine and Three Quarters "Cuttables":    


  On one platform is a big plastic ‘9’ and on the platform next to it is a big plastic ‘10’. Vernon smiles evilly.

VERNON DURSLEY
Well, there you are, boy. Platform nine - platform ten. Your platform should be somewhere in the middle, but they don't seem to have built it yet.

The Dursley’s depart.

VERNON DURSLEY (CONT’D)
Have a good term.

Vernon and Dudley start laughing at once. Petunia on the other hand, looks at the barrier between the two platforms for a few seconds then begins to laugh like her husband and son.

Harry is alone with a trolley carrying his trunk and his pet owl, Hedwig. Just when he begins to become worried, he hears a voice.

...

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM
Gran, I've lost my toad again.

AUGUSTA LONGBOTTOM
Oh, Neville.

Harry finds an empty carriage and tries to lift through the carriage door. It drops onto his foot.

GEORGE WEASLEY
Want a hand?

Fred and George Weasley spot Harry’s trouble.

HARRY POTTER
Yes, please.

Together the three of them...

INT. HOGWARTS EXPRESS COMPARTMENT - LATE MORNING
(1/9/1991)

...get the trunk into Harry’s compartment. Subconsciously, Harry sweeps his hair of his forehead with his hand, revealing the scar on his forehead.

FRED WEASLEY
What’s that?

GEORGE WEASLEY
Blimey, are you?

FRED WEASLEY
He is. Aren’t you?

HARRY POTTER
What?

FRED WEASLEY / GEORGE WEASLEY
Harry Potter!

HARRY POTTER
Oh - Yes - I am.

They both stare at Harry.

MOLLY WEASLEY (O.S.)
Fred? George? Are you there?

With one last look at Harry, the twins leave.

Harry positions himself so he can see what is happening down at the station.

MOLLY WEASLEY (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Ron, you've got something on your nose.

INT. PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS - LATE MORNING
(CONTINUOUS ACTION) (1/9/1991)

Ron jerks away as Molly rubs the end of his nose with her handkerchief, then turns to Percy who is just about to leave for the front carriage.

MOLLY WEASLEY
Well, have a good term and send me an owl when you get there.

She kisses him on the cheek and he departs. She then turns on the twins.

MOLLY WEASLEY (CONT’D)
Now, you two. If I get one more owl telling me you've - you've blown up a toilet or -

FRED WEASLEY
Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet.

GEORGE WEASLEY
Great idea though, Mum.

MOLLY WEASLEY
It's not funny. And look after Ron.

FRED WEASLEY
Don't worry, ickle Ronniekins is safe with us.

RON WEASLEY
Shut up.

GEORGE WEASLEY
Hey Mum, guess what!

INT. HOGWARTS EXPRESS COMPARTMENT - LATE MORNING
(CONTINUOUS ACTION) (1/9/1991)

Harry leans back so they can’t notice him looking.

GEORGE WEASLEY (O.S.)
Guess who we just met on the train?

INT. PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS - LATE MORNING
(CONTINUOUS ACTION) (1/9/1991)
FRED WEASLEY
You know that black-haired boy who was near us in the station?

MOLLY WEASLEY
Who?

FRED WEASLEY
Harry Potter!

Ginny suddenly becomes excited.

GINNY WEASLEY
Oh, Mum, can I go on the train and see him, Mum, oh please...

MOLLY WEASLEY
You've already seen him, Ginny, and the poor boy isn't something you goggle at in a zoo. How do you know, Fred?

FRED WEASLEY
Asked him. Saw his scar. It's really there - like lightning.

MOLLY WEASLEY
Poor dear - no wonder he was alone.

FRED WEASLEY
Do you think he remembers what You-Know-Who looks like?

MOLLY WEASLEY
I forbid you to ask him, Fred. As though he needs reminding of that on his first day at school.

FRED WEASLEY
All right, keep your hair on.

A whistle sounds. Molly kisses each of them. Ginny starts to cry.

FRED WEASLEY (CONT’D)
Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.

GEORGE WEASLEY
We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat.

MOLLY WEASLEY
George!

GEORGE WEASLEY
Only joking, Mum.

The train starts to move. The door shuts and Ginny starts to run after the train.
  


All of what is in there (it is not the entire thing) can be cut, along with much more. You did not truly write a script - you basically copied the book's dialogue. While I like the book's words more, it simply does not work in the film, unless you want the movie to be 3 hours. If you are aiming for a 2 hour - 2 and a half hour movie, a lot of that should be cut. I think the current SS film did a pretty decent job on cutting what was unnecessary.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArryGrotter
PS OpeningEXT. THE POTTER’S COTTAGE - GODRIC’S HOLLOW - EVENING
(31/10/1981)

A gate is left open in front of a cottage, is curtains fully drawn and its door blasted open.

SYBILL TRELAWNEY (V.O.)
(In a hoarse voice)
The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord...

INT. HARRY’S ROOM - THE POTTER’S COTTAGE - GODRIC’S HOLLOW - EVENING

An infant (1-YEAR-OLD HARRY POTTER) stares at a hooded figure (VOLDEMORT). Light catches its face and Harry begins to cry.

VOLDEMORT
Avada Kedavra!

EXT. THE POTTER’S COTTAGE - GODRIC’S HOLLOW - EVENING
(31/10/1981)

Green light erupts from an upstairs room. Sounds of agony can be heard, both from Harry and Voldemort

SYBILL TRELAWNEY (V.O.)
...approaches...

The title “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” fills the screen.
I must admit I do not like this (from the common movie audience's perspective). It sparks too much confusion at the outset. While the scene itself would eventually be understood, Trelawney's prophecy is just randomly placed. None of the prophecy should be introduced until Book 5. I would only put your scene in a movie trailer (even then, it would be questionable). However, as an opening to SS, it simply does not satisfy what needs to occur.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops
DUMBLEDORE
Well, Harry, shall we be off? I know a lost cause when I see one.

SLUGHORN
Alright, alright, I'll do it!
Too abrupt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shaun0505
HBP Opening:    


  A crane shot of the country lane. The sky is clear. In the distant a noble manor house can be seen, lights glimmering in the night.
Several loud cracks are heard followed by a bang. Two men have appeared in the lane. One of them is lying on the floor, the other stands over him, a small wooden wand in his hand.

YAXLEY
Snape, whatch'a playing at?

SNAPE
Apologies Yaxley, yet you could have been anyone.

Yaxley gets to his feet and the pair make their way to a iron gate in front of the manor house. They pass through and make their way up the lane to the house.

YAXLEY
I would have got here sooner but I got held back. (He pauses) You are sure that your news is correct.

SNAPE
If everything goes to plan. The Dark Lords work the past sixteen years will finally be worth it.

YAXLEY
You mean Potter? What-

Yaxley is cut off as they reach the door of the Manor. Snape knocks and several seconds later a pale boy (Draco Malfoy) opens the door and lets Snape and Yaxley through.
Yaxley and Snape make their way through the house to a back room where a large group of people are sat around a table. Snape sits next to the tallest man, who is sat stroking a large snake. Yaxley sits.

VOLDEMORT
Snape, what news do you have?

SNAPE
They are moving the boy earlier than we anticipated, the twenty seventh is the date I have heard.

YAXLEY
Why would they do that? If his protection ends on the thirty-first it would seem foolish to leave any earlier.

SNAPE
The order, believes that we think exactly that way Yaxley. They are moving him earlier as they think that we will go on the thirty-first.

VOLDEMORT
Indeed. I wondered whether... No matter. Yet we should not be too confident. It would be a blow if he left and we were not informed. Where will they be taking him?

SNAPE
The Burrow. But the protection there will be too great to get him. That is, if we fail.

VOLDEMORT
Which is why we must not. I have been too careless where Harry Potter is concerned. That he lives is more of my failure than his triumphs. I must deal with him myself.

There is silence around the table. Draco Malfoy is staring out into space and not paying attention to the meeting.

VOLDEMORT
You will notice, we have a guest with us this evening.

He points upwards where is figure is slowly rotating.

VOLDEMORT
This, is Professor Burbage, who until most recently, taught at Hogwarts school. She also wrote a lengthy article in the Daily Prophet about how muggles should be treated as equals and how we should embrace them. Obviously I couldn't let such a person to miss out on our meeting.

BURBAGE
Severus... please....

VOLDEMORT
Were you taught by Burbage, Draco?

Draco turns and shakes his head.

VOLDEMORT
Of course. Burbage taught Muggle Studies. And you are of noble blood. Of course you would not take her subject.

BURBAGE
Severus please! Help me!

Snape ignores Burbage. Voldemort withdraws a long thin wand.

VOLDEMORT
Avada Kedavra!

Burbage falls to the table with a crash. The snake slowly falls off Voldemort's shoulders as he says

VOLDEMORT
Dinner, Nagini...

END OF SCENE
  

I must admit I do not like this. While perfect for the book, the movie cannot introduce two brand-new characters in the opening scene. Definitely cut Yaxley, and probably cut Burbage. I would substitute Charity with someone the audience should know (do not ask me who – I have been thinking about this issue for some time – just not Charity). Also, I would not mention the pureblood status. All the audience needs to know is that Voldemort is hunting Harry, and anyone who isn’t a Death Eater can go. Cut the pureblood and Muggle-born Registry themes. To be blunt, the audience will not care (well, we fans will, but not the ordinary audience member).

Thus, use this scene to define Snape’s character (and show the information about Harry that he knows), as well as reintroduce characters like Bellatrix and the Malfoys (and possibly Wormtail). However, I do think that a death is necessary in this scene.

Meanwhile, I also disagree with your opening (the title coming before anything else). It should be commonly known that I immensely dislike the title just appearing out of a fog, before the audience sees anything but the WB logo. Instead, have the title erupt out of the Avada Kedavra curse (I would not say “Dinner, Nagini,” but just introduce the snake in the scene). Or, if you do not want it to resemble GoF too much (the Frank Bryce scene), you could have Nagini ready to strike the body, and as she opens her mouth and clamps it, the title appears.


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Last edited by MrSleepyHead; August 16th, 2008 at 2:28 am.
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  #120  
Old January 15th, 2008, 6:51 am
underscore  Undisclosed.gif underscore is offline
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blast_ended View Post
You can see my script of DH here. It is professionally formated and I worked really hard about it. I'd like to hear feedback.

Enjoy!
Your dialogue is very heavy. The action description is too sparse. You also need to streamline the events and thread them together more tightly. Too many scene-to-scene cuts. Try merging different events into single scene/settiings. It takes you 50 pages just to get up to the point where they start going camping (which is where the story actually begins)--that's bad. Having to wait 50 minutes just to get to that point is definately going to put everyone to sleep. Is the first chapter to the book really all that necessary, I wonder.



Last edited by underscore; January 19th, 2008 at 4:54 pm.
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