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#81
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Cadia, ArthurWeasley, thanks for your opinion! I thought about abondoning these forms but in this very poem I really needed them to make it more expressive
![]() ![]() myr613657 thank you very much, I'm so very happy you liked it! ![]() Quote:
As for me, it would be great to have that Starry Night picture on my wall ![]() ArthurWeasley Good poem ![]() ![]()
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#82
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
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Other than that, it's pretty good. Sexual harassment is definately a problem, especially in schools. This is awful, I apologize in advance. I'll Stay By You Watch the evening sun, Disappear from view; Watch the spring time flowers, Die and turn to dust; Watch all of the people, Leave again and again; When everything is gone, I'll stay by you.
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Fanfiction.net: Search 'Author'--imagine131 (Currently 2 Avatar fics posted) Fictionpress.com: Search 'Author'--imagine131 (Currently 1 General fic posted) Last edited by IntricateLogic; June 20th, 2007 at 8:49 pm. |
#83
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Hullo folks, I found out recently that due to an error with pruning of threads, the first version of the Poetry Writing Thread has accidentally been deleted. As far as I'm aware, there isn't a way to retrieve the lost content, but I will ask about it.
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#84
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
NOooooo!!! What about the project you were planning to do with it? And all our grand-semi-made-plans?
![]() IntricateLogic, your poem is sweet, but, to be brutally honest, it's kind of cliche. But your goal is sincere and the emotion honest. I think perhaps you just need some practice expressing these things in original ways. ![]() If anyone would be so kind as to navigate to the Flourish and Blotts Poetry Corner of the Deathly Hallows area, you will find a poem I just wrote. Comments/criticism would be greatly appreciated! ![]()
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Like POETRY? Read it, comment, and get feedback on your own! THE POETRY WRITING THREAD v2 Last edited by Cadia; July 27th, 2007 at 10:07 pm. |
#85
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
This thread needs to stay on the first page and get more active!
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Like POETRY? Read it, comment, and get feedback on your own! THE POETRY WRITING THREAD v2 |
#86
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
I need to go find some poems!
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#87
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
another frilvolous attempt by me to keep our poetry writing thread on the front page.......enjoy.......AW
again I find we've been let go and ask myself, "how is this so?" "do we offend, and not amuse?" "or lend ideas you can use?" they tell of female harrassed replies and how we can't reduce our thighs of false farewells, dancing on stages and that's in just the last few pages a queen who's hair is pure as gold another marriage lost, is told Utopia is not so real when War exists it's pain we feel I pen these words, but they aren't mine they're compiled works of your design put on this site for us to seek some soft advice or hard critique so visit often, maybe more heaven forbid, we make page four at least for now the deed is done I bumped us back to be page one hehe, I can't stand the thought of having to hunt and look for this page.......AW IntricateLogic: I'll Stand isn't "awful" it's simple but nice, no apology needed NadaYAK: I like your reply, I hope it's not from personal experience that you've had to pen this but us "guys" do tend to act like donkeys.....lol phoenix_flame: I loved the imagery of War, it really shows that no war is a good war and so much of it revolves around the pain at home machiavelle: now "Thighs" is a poem in my own style, cute, funny, very witty, nice job.......AW Last edited by ArthurWeasley; August 20th, 2007 at 9:12 pm. |
#88
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
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You make all of our poems into one, in a very entertaining, and well written one. Not much I can say bad against it, or give you adivece one, because as you said, it was only an atempt. Thanks for the comment on mine. I love War so much, and it's nice to know that others like it as well. Okay, so my next poem is a narrative, so it's a little long...well not that long. It was a fleeting idea that I tried to get on paper, but not sure if it worked....I tried to get the feelings down on paper, but it was hard because the feelings weren't something I'm used to, or haven't felt in a long time. The words repeat themselves a lot, or so I found the last time I tried to edit it...So lots of comments on it would be nice! Cherished Farewells The wind blows her hair lightly, Her blue eyes moist As we stand together in the park Hands clasped together tightly Light draining from the sky Like the grains of time slipping through our fingers We both knew this day would come When I would have to leave But we hadn’t thought it would be so soon This sad goodbye, Her silent tears Bring memories back to me Not once when we first met Did it cross my mind, nor hers I do believe That love would spark between us So we parted ways politely But fate had other plans He threw us together many times We’d smile and laugh, Saying quick goodbyes Still thrown together An invisible line pulled tight Our goodbyes grew harder Till the day came when our farewells were sweet We had so little time together, Two happy years of learning We’d laugh as we part Remembering our previous sweet farewells Three years to the day When fate first introduced us And our first exultant goodbye We joined together forever Soon into our marriage The fateful day came A visit to the doctor Confirmed the cancer in my cells Tears were shed, and comforted Treatment after treatment Our love grew strong still We thought I was getting better But then a new bump we discovered The cancer had spread And I knew my fight was over Yet nothing did I say Despite our love of our goodbyes This one I did not want to say So I fought the best I could But life began to slip away Two weeks in the hospital We both were almost dead I begged her to go home and sleep But her fear of a final goodbye Kept her at my side Plans were made When she hesitantly left my side I could not let her hear My final thoughts on life We both still dreaded that final send-off Though we knew the time was near My body was weak, My will power leaving me Now standing together The sun almost gone I know it’s time I have to let her go My body is gone But my spirit lives on But we both need to let go And utter those last words My transparent hands leave her solid ones And I begin to fade away My whispered farewell leaves my lips Traveling on the wind She smiles, I know she understands This final goodbye is not the end Just merely another of our cherished farewells.
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#89
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
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![]() Apologies for not being around to provide critique... I have some free time so I'll try and get some on the go soon.
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#90
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
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In the interests of posting a new poem when I don't really have a good one, I'll just make up a little bitty one: Haiku inspired by scenes from the Cuyahoga Valley National Park: White and pink lotus Floating in a quiet pool Like pearls on satin. Spring Hollow, green as The ultimate jealousy For lush richness. Five little turtles Bask in the summer sunshine On the swamped old log.
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#91
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
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Wow! What can I say? Your advice is going to help me out a lot. I know the stanza with five lines really tore me up. I couldn't find a way to cut anything out, or add more things. But I will try to compress it. I'll have to think over the "We both were almost dead" line. Now tha tI think about it, the word 'dead' doesn't seem right, but like you said, the picture I get does add something to the poem. Thanks for all the great stuff you said about the poem, and all the help you've given me! I'm not sure how to critic Haikus, because they can be some simple, but yet so powerful at the same time. I love the one about the turtles, it makes me smile. I also like 'green as the ultimate jealousy.' It's a nice comparasion.
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#92
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
I've decided to delete my last post. One, because i think it was a little too gloomy and two, because i wrote a new poem and i want to see what you guys think of it. Oh and by the way, Anhelda i really like your Spring Hollows one. I've never actually read 'Haikus' before and to be honest i don't really know what they are, but in any case i like yours.
Okay so here is my new poem (if you want my old one just owl me or something) You're not an Athlete, But an Artist Move, like no one is watching you. Even though, there is. Spin, like no one sees you. But you're clearly, not invisible. Jump, like you don't care what people think. However it weighs heavily, upon your shoulders. Dance, like there is no tommorow. Critism and comments are more then welcome! ![]()
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#93
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
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upon your shoulders. just needs to be changed around a little. It doesn't seem to flow like the rest. Maybe try something like HOwever heavily it weighs, upon shoulders. Hope that helps! No peom from me...unless I pull something out of my head. I"ll edit this post later with one. EDIT: So I found one poem. You'll notice a trend going through my poems about goodbyes. That's only because for English we had to write/find poems on one theme. This one was hard to write because we got a story that repeated words a lot, and had to use words only from the story to make a poem. So here is what I like to call; Father's Thought. Leaning against the fence, The man’s eyes slowly closed How long had he stood there, It seemed very long He had been holding the little finger His hands left empty The clock ticking slowly, The small Pete staggered over to him, Dreaming of Tibet and snow.
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![]() "Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure" --Luna Lovegood, Chapter 10 Last edited by phoenix_flame; September 10th, 2007 at 4:45 am. |
#94
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
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#95
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
EDIT: so i wrote a poem and wondered what everyone thought of it. it's supposed to be about the holocost, so i understand if some people might not want to comment about it.
Going Soon Locked up in a room, with no place to go. They take a few everytime. Hearing screams during the night. Seeing white flakes fall from the sky. And thinking it won't be long. Knowing I'll be next. I take one last look outside. But see nothing but my pale face staring back.
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#96
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
that's good. sad.
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#97
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
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![]() My Harry Potter Site: The Golden Snitch. Join Now! Looking For Members! In denial that JKR didn't win TIME's Person of the Year! She did come in first in the online votes! I'm part of the 8% of teens that rock out every day. ![]() ![]() |
#98
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
I got bored and decided to write about music:
Musing About Music Music is the language of all languages It speaks when no other words can needn’t lyrics, needn’t reason It can make us cry And laugh And do overall stupid things Like want to play the cowbell. Music is doing what you love to do It doesn’t need instruments or notes Or a songbook or pinprick points on paper Music can be a pen scratching paper Or pitching a no hitter Or painting a masterpiece. Music doesn’t need sound Sound needs music Without music sound would quite simply not exist Because music is every whisper of the wind Every slam of a door Every impatient click Every intake of breath Every beat of our heart. Music is humanity It’s so palpably deep into our flesh In our history In our albums and cassettes in our old milk crates in our basements Telling the story of our lives and loves lost Telling where we come from And where we’re going. Music doesn’t make us We make music A trombone isn’t sarcastic unless we see it fit Or oboe rueful Nor a Spanish guitar passionate We make the music swanky Or grotesque Or animated Or melancholy Until we apply some pressure. Music is passion So much left to the imagination So much more revealed A hallowed noise Inexplicably profound Every great love comes back to music. Music is that faint background noise that you hear in your life Or maybe that’s just your ipod. Music lives in you It never really was notes Or measures Or time signatures. It lives and breathes Cries when you cry Laughs when you laugh Wants to play cowbell too. Yeah I know - a bit corny.
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#99
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
I know this is dark and has offensive words....so if u don't like that, and will get offended....don't read...
Hard I cry, but what does that do? ****ing life with my fist, punching walls of dusty illusions, bleeding blood of icy insanity. Tears drip out of my drowning face, licking lies off my ruined soul, sending deathly pulses of energy out of my body. You ****ed me up hard; daggers sticking out of my lungs from cracking screams; Don't hear. Shards of disasters stuck down my throat; stares laughing in unison at my lonely self; madness in my mind. Hit me hard; eyes bloodshot. Bruises of words; no help, ****ing me up hard Anger itches my skin; leaches of emotion sucking my lifeless skin, taking my mind. Try to help; words empty; fake sympathy shooting at my absorbent skin; a burn. Buckets of nothing down my face; lost in a maze, a labyrinth of sticky memories, lush with new hate. about the above poetry....it's not corny
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#100
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
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Until My Next Eternity You are it You are the world You are the everything You are in my head You are in my mind You are in my heart You are the air You are the dream You are the escape You are the problem You are the touch, the taste, the sound, the smell, and the vision Until the next one And when it comes Consider yourself gone Catch you round In my next eternity. Comments/ Critique?
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![]() ![]() nerdfighter i need to kick off and fly into the night follow the red sparks and hold on tight the higher we get the colder the wind whips in my face and it feels like i'm breathing for the first time tonight The stars are going out...the darkness is coming...
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