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The Poetry Writing Thread v2



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  #61  
Old April 28th, 2007, 2:17 pm
Eliya  Female.gif Eliya is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anhelda View Post
No critique on another poem this time, sorry. Here's one inspired by reading this week's Newsweek's profiles of the victims of the Virginia Tech shootings. Still a pretty rough draft, but I felt like posting it anyway.

Last Rights
The right to know that when you die,
You lived the life you chose.
The right to make your last goodbye
A poem instead of prose.
The right to be sure in your heart
That on your final day
The world is richer for the part
You lived your life to play.
The right to mourn unrealized dreams,
Yet celebrate the wins.
The right to peace, with all peace means,
And pardon for all sins.
The right to hope that those you leave
Behind can find a way
To laugh again, not just to grieve,
And find joy in a day.
Beatiful! Very Very beautiful! And I loved that nice rhythm in it!

There is my very last one dedided to one nice person

My inmost thought

Scared in heart Iím still writing this letter
Weavíd with words that I dare not say,
And I know not if it would be better
To hide or reveal them one day.
And perchance thou wilt not understand me
Through these words I lock in the rhyme,
But believe me I shall never blame thee Ė
For not loving me, Ďtis not a crime.

In these days of distress and confusion
When the hope is a sneer of Fate,
I wake myself up from the delusion
That my spirit doth strive to create.
But thine image with love I retain still Ė
For sweet solace Iíve found in it,
Yet my heart in its folly rebels still
ĎGainst the thought that we may never meet.

Nay, for nothing I shall ever ask thee,
ĎTis in vain, thou wilt neíer be mine.
Evermore, maybe, lonely I should be,
Still Iím scarcely meant to be thine.
And by many a path we shall wander
As soul mates, separated by fate,
And may always we live but asunder,
There will be a dream to create.

Never, ever will my soul forget thee,
And if we eíer meet but to part,
Then with autumnal breath I shall send thee
All my tears, my smiles and my heart.

February 2007


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  #62  
Old May 24th, 2007, 6:36 pm
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Cadia  Female.gif Cadia is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

^^that is a pleasant-sounding poem. it makes me think of the "old" romantic poetry studied in school, etc. I think it's the "thee"s and "thine"s that do that. I also think that the thees and thines are somewhat unnecessary. But, if you wanted to create that old fashioned feel, then you certainly succeeded. Just isn't really my favorite style. I feel that it's something of the past, that was beautiful then, but we should leave it alone now because its over. Nevertheless, you have some unique and compelling images here. I especially liked "When the hope is a sneer of Fate," "As soul mates, separated by fate," Very pretty. But I still think it would be prettier in modern style. That's just me, though.

Alright, folks. Why is this thread so far back? Poetry, please! The resident critic must be appeased. *indicates herself*


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  #63  
Old May 24th, 2007, 7:56 pm
ArthurWeasley  Male.gif ArthurWeasley is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Eliya, I aggree with Cadia (as I usually do....lol) that although the "thees" and "thines" do add a bit of antiquity to the verse, I'm not sure if it's necessary. You said that it was "dedicated to one person" so obviously you had that person in mind and felt that they would enjoy it written in that form. It certainly works, it's very nice. I also read Cadia's comment about having to bump this thread up front and I share her grief on this as well. It is unfortunate how often I've had to search for this thread and I'm just as guilty as others. I haven't written anything worth posting here in quite awhile. As usual I did pen down something quickly that I think you'll enjoy about our situation......AW

A travesty it is indeed to bump us so far back
Itís not for lost creativeness or genius that we lack

Iím sure that youíll agree with me that time has caused this fall
With so much more to do these days, itís hard to do it all

Iím guilty of this trend myself, Iíve so much stuff to do
Tween work and chores and lifeís enough, and you want poems too!

Itís not like we can wave a wand and wax poetically
And scribe our stanzas one by one for all the site to see

These things take time and thoughtfulness before we pen them in
Some times it takes a week or two before we can begin

But thankfully such poems as this are easy to compose
They donít take complicated verse or especially fancy prose

This oneís meant for one thing only, to prevent the need to hunt
To the back for the Writing Poetry Thread, cause itís just been bumped up front.


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  #64  
Old May 24th, 2007, 7:59 pm
myr613657  Female.gif myr613657 is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eliya View Post
Beatiful! Very Very beautiful! And I loved that nice rhythm in it!

There is my very last one dedided to one nice person

My inmost thought

Scared in heart Iím still writing this letter
Weavíd with words that I dare not say,
And I know not if it would be better
To hide or reveal them one day.
And perchance thou wilt not understand me
Through these words I lock in the rhyme,
But believe me I shall never blame thee Ė
For not loving me, Ďtis not a crime.

In these days of distress and confusion
When the hope is a sneer of Fate,
I wake myself up from the delusion
That my spirit doth strive to create.
But thine image with love I retain still Ė
For sweet solace Iíve found in it,
Yet my heart in its folly rebels still
ĎGainst the thought that we may never meet.

Nay, for nothing I shall ever ask thee,
ĎTis in vain, thou wilt neíer be mine.
Evermore, maybe, lonely I should be,
Still Iím scarcely meant to be thine.
And by many a path we shall wander
As soul mates, separated by fate,
And may always we live but asunder,
There will be a dream to create.

Never, ever will my soul forget thee,
And if we eíer meet but to part,
Then with autumnal breath I shall send thee
All my tears, my smiles and my heart.

February 2007
I so loved this! What a heartbreaker this is to read! But very eloquently put together! I too love the old way of poetry writing! I find nothing amiss with this poem. I totally loved your uses of words like asunder, nay & solace. These are words you don't hear spoken in conversation anymore which is what gives your poem that old world feel.

I also noticed you are a Van Gogh fan as I am! He was the most brilliant of artists. I wish I could have known him. Most of the books written about him, paint him out to be some kind of artistic manic. I just think he was very misunderstood, under-appreciated and underestimated as a man and artist in his time. Iíd love to have a piece of his brilliance to display in my home.


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  #65  
Old May 31st, 2007, 3:20 am
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Cadia  Female.gif Cadia is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArthurWeasley View Post
A travesty it is indeed to bump us so far back
It’s not for lost creativeness or genius that we lack

I’m sure that you’ll agree with me that time has caused this fall
With so much more to do these days, it’s hard to do it all

I’m guilty of this trend myself, I’ve so much stuff to do
Tween work and chores and life’s enough, and you want poems too!

It’s not like we can wave a wand and wax poetically
And scribe our stanzas one by one for all the site to see

These things take time and thoughtfulness before we pen them in
Some times it takes a week or two before we can begin

But thankfully such poems as this are easy to compose
They don’t take complicated verse or especially fancy prose

This one’s meant for one thing only, to prevent the need to hunt
To the back for the Writing Poetry Thread, cause it’s just been bumped up front.
Good stuff, AW. I totally agree. And, that was a clever bit of poetry.


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  #66  
Old June 1st, 2007, 1:10 am
phoenix_flame  Female.gif phoenix_flame is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArthurWeasley View Post
A travesty it is indeed to bump us so far back
Itís not for lost creativeness or genius that we lack

Iím sure that youíll agree with me that time has caused this fall
With so much more to do these days, itís hard to do it all

Iím guilty of this trend myself, Iíve so much stuff to do
Tween work and chores and lifeís enough, and you want poems too!

Itís not like we can wave a wand and wax poetically
And scribe our stanzas one by one for all the site to see

These things take time and thoughtfulness before we pen them in
Some times it takes a week or two before we can begin

But thankfully such poems as this are easy to compose
They donít take complicated verse or especially fancy prose

This oneís meant for one thing only, to prevent the need to hunt
To the back for the Writing Poetry Thread, cause itís just been bumped up front.
It's very nice, it made me laugh. It's so true though.
So I posted back on like the first page when I actually had time to get online, post and such, and now I have one poem that I'm in love with, and another that I'm okay with. I'll only post the good one right now. It's in sonnet form that we studied in English, and I really love it, and so did my teacher, so let me know. As for now, the title is War, but I'm thinking of changing it.


War

Wave goodbye to their clean shaven faces
The train, death on wheels carries them away
Away they go to far away places
Leaving their families at home to pray

Fathers, sons, husbands too, grin happily
As those that they leave behind stand weeping
Scared for the death list when theyíll cry hoarsely
And for their lost boys in the fields creeping

Soldiers will dream of home through the crashes
Screaming as the short goodbyes come to mind
Faces dropping as the night light flashes
An uneasy silence begins to bind

The men together, to face their own fight
What they left behind holding to them tight


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  #67  
Old June 8th, 2007, 11:44 pm
owlchick9  Female.gif owlchick9 is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

first page


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  #68  
Old June 10th, 2007, 5:20 am
IntricateLogic  Female.gif IntricateLogic is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix_flame View Post

War

Wave goodbye to their clean shaven faces
The train, death on wheels carries them away
Away they go to far away places
Leaving their families at home to pray

Fathers, sons, husbands too, grin happily
As those that they leave behind stand weeping
Scared for the death list when they’ll cry hoarsely
And for their lost boys in the fields creeping

Soldiers will dream of home through the crashes
Screaming as the short goodbyes come to mind
Faces dropping as the night light flashes
An uneasy silence begins to bind

The men together, to face their own fight
What they left behind holding to them tight

Wow, that's really good. Really really good. I could actually picture it. I never used to like poetry that much, but I like yours. Alot. It was very well written. Great job.


This one I wrote for Language Arts, but it's not that good. We were about to begin 'The Giver', but before we did our teacher had us make a list, write a poem, whatever about what we thought Utopia was. This was my poem. It's not that good...

Utopia

Time seems to freeze,
and every moment is a breeze.
War is no more.
No one acts hardcore.
Politics is how it was meant--
No vicious arguments.
Laws suit everyone.
Faces are bright as the sun.
Peace is all around.
Words become soft, sweet sounds.
Sarcasm fades away;
we mean the things we say.
Utopia is unreal,
but it is something to make us feel
better, warmer, carefree.
Utopia is a place to be.


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Last edited by IntricateLogic; June 20th, 2007 at 8:48 pm.
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  #69  
Old June 10th, 2007, 8:35 pm
owlchick9  Female.gif owlchick9 is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by IntricateLogic View Post
Wow, that's really good. I could actually picture it. I never used to like poetry that much, but I like yours. Alot. It was very well written


This one I wrote for Language Arts, but it's not that good. We were about to begin 'The Giver', but before we did our teacher had us make a list, write a poem, whatever about what we thought Utopia was. This was my poem. It's not that good...

Utopia

Time seems to freeze,
and every moment is a breeze.
War is no more.
No one acts hardcore.
Politics is how it was meant--
No vicious arguments.
Laws suit everyone.
Faces are bright as the sun.
Peace is all around.
Words become soft, sweet sounds.
Sarcasm fades away;
we mean the things we say.
Utopia is unreal,
but it is something to make us feel
better, warmer, carefree.
Utopia is a place to be.
I liked it, but the "hardcore" line was a bit faulty. i didn't really understand the law suits line, though.

Snow Queen
Bow your heads
to her porcelain face
rejoice in the sight
of her majestic grace
because the Snow Queen thrives
One your longing gaze
Because she's an icon, she's a saint
Pure as her golden hair
But little do you know
She doesn't care
Because her porcelain facade
hides her true intention
Of a fallen kind of grace
That escapes all attention
Because she's an icon of deception
And her gilded locks hide
The bitter, broken soul
Of the woman that lives inside


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  #70  
Old June 11th, 2007, 9:34 am
NadaYAK  Female.gif NadaYAK is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix_flame
War

Wave goodbye to their clean shaven faces
The train, death on wheels carries them away
Away they go to far away places
Leaving their families at home to pray

Fathers, sons, husbands too, grin happily
As those that they leave behind stand weeping
Scared for the death list when they’ll cry hoarsely
And for their lost boys in the fields creeping

Soldiers will dream of home through the crashes
Screaming as the short goodbyes come to mind
Faces dropping as the night light flashes
An uneasy silence begins to bind

The men together, to face their own fight
What they left behind holding to them tight
I like this one. It builds images in your head and you can feel the words.



This is my first poem here ...

Marital Breakdown

I lie in my bed, trying to sleep.
I close my eyes, and silently weep.
I hear the shouting through the walls and door,
As the volume escalates more and more.
The shouts, the screams, the insults, too.
The rising decibels penetrating through.
Pride is clasped to, anger is in the air,
Through yells of frustration and despair.
Feelings portrayed through white - hot rage,
Released from a compressed emotional cage.
Souls are wounded, objects are throws,
As each party thrives to protect their own.
All I want is for the fighting to halt,
To see an end to this brutal assault.
So I pull the covers higher above my head,
And pray that by morning the noise will be dead.


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  #71  
Old June 11th, 2007, 5:11 pm
machiavelle  Female.gif machiavelle is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by NadaYAK View Post
I like this one. It builds images in your head and you can feel the words.



This is my first poem here ...

Marital Breakdown

I lie in my bed, trying to sleep.
I close my eyes, and silently weep.
I hear the shouting through the walls and door,
As the volume escalates more and more.
The shouts, the screams, the insults, too.
The rising decibels penetrating through.
Pride is clasped to, anger is in the air,
Through yells of frustration and despair.
Feelings portrayed through white - hot rage,
Released from a compressed emotional cage.
Souls are wounded, objects are throws,
As each party thrives to protect their own.
All I want is for the fighting to halt,
To see an end to this brutal assault.
So I pull the covers higher above my head,
And pray that by morning the noise will be dead.
* That was increbile. I had the same experience as a youth. You can always tell poetry written from a painful experience. It was very too the point. I like that in poems.

I have never let anyone see my poetry. But Here goes: It's in the Erma Bombeck style.

THIN-THIGHED GIRLS

Those thin-thighed girls are on T.V.
Bending, stretching, by the sea.
Move like this, turn like that,
all to make your tummy flat.

No time to watch, I've go to run,
My buzzer buzzed, the wash is done.
Run up the stairs and then back down.
Carrying full loads around.

I wash and cook, mop and clean,
But still my thighs are not so lean.
It seems unfair, I just can't see,
Why I don't burn one calorie!

Though I try, my thighs won't budge,
so I intend to hold a grudge;
Against those beauties by the sea.
A cooking show-Now that's for me!


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  #72  
Old June 11th, 2007, 6:53 pm
NadaYAK  Female.gif NadaYAK is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by machiavelle
THIN-THIGHED GIRLS

Those thin-thighed girls are on T.V.
Bending, stretching, by the sea.
Move like this, turn like that,
all to make your tummy flat.

No time to watch, I've go to run,
My buzzer buzzed, the wash is done.
Run up the stairs and then back down.
Carrying full loads around.

I wash and cook, mop and clean,
But still my thighs are not so lean.
It seems unfair, I just can't see,
Why I don't burn one calorie!

Though I try, my thighs won't budge,
so I intend to hold a grudge;
Against those beauties by the sea.
A cooking show-Now that's for me!
I love it. I sympathize but I still laughed while reading it.


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  #73  
Old June 11th, 2007, 9:21 pm
owlchick9  Female.gif owlchick9 is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Snow Queen
Bow your heads
to her porcelain face
rejoice in the sight
of her majestic grace
because the Snow Queen thrives
One your longing gaze
Because she's an icon, she's a saint
Pure as her golden hair
But little do you know
She doesn't care
Because her porcelain facade
hides her true intention
Of a fallen kind of grace
That escapes all attention
Because she's an icon of deception
And her gilded locks hide
The bitter, broken soul
Of the woman that lives inside

sorry, nobody commented on the poem


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  #74  
Old June 11th, 2007, 10:16 pm
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Anhelda  Female.gif Anhelda is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by machiavelle View Post
THIN-THIGHED GIRLS

Those thin-thighed girls are on T.V.
Bending, stretching, by the sea.
Move like this, turn like that,
all to make your tummy flat.

No time to watch, I've go to run,
My buzzer buzzed, the wash is done.
Run up the stairs and then back down.
Carrying full loads around.

I wash and cook, mop and clean,
But still my thighs are not so lean.
It seems unfair, I just can't see,
Why I don't burn one calorie!

Though I try, my thighs won't budge,
so I intend to hold a grudge;
Against those beauties by the sea.
A cooking show-Now that's for me!
This is a fun poem, with great imagery and a wonderful sense of humor and irony. I liked it a lot, and if it's representative of your other poems, you should definitely share them! ( I love the comments on how the exercise programs always show people working out in front of a body of water. Why is that ? )

Quote:
Originally Posted by owlchick9 View Post
Snow Queen
Bow your heads
to her porcelain face
rejoice in the sight
of her majestic grace
because the Snow Queen thrives
One your longing gaze <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<(did you mean "ON your longing gaze?)
Because she's an icon, she's a saint
Pure as her golden hair
But little do you know
She doesn't care
Because her porcelain facade
hides her true intention
Of a fallen kind of grace
That escapes all attention
Because she's an icon of deception
And her gilded locks hide
The bitter, broken soul
Of the woman that lives inside

sorry, nobody commented on the poem
The poem is nice, fits the fairy tale well, but it would help to put in some punctuation, and it gets a little vague at the bit about "a fallen kind of grace"--I'm not sure what you mean here, as I don't recall "grace" in the spiritual sense being a part of the Snow Queen's character. Admittedly, it's been a while since I read the original tale. Overall, this is an effective poem, and I liked it.


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  #75  
Old June 11th, 2007, 10:57 pm
Kelfa23  Female.gif Kelfa23 is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Snow Queen
Bow your heads
to her porcelain face
rejoice in the sight
of her majestic grace
because the Snow Queen thrives
One your longing gaze
Because she's an icon, she's a saint
Pure as her golden hair
But little do you know
She doesn't care
Because her porcelain facade
hides her true intention
Of a fallen kind of grace
That escapes all attention
Because she's an icon of deception
And her gilded locks hide
The bitter, broken soul
Of the woman that lives inside
When I first read this poem I actually thought it was about a real person. It reminded me of those haughty, upturned nosed, women who live in the upper east side of New York...the kind you see on TV and movies. She almost reminds me of that character Meryl Streep plays in "Devil Wears Prada".
The poem is a little vague at times, maybe a hint on what kind of "fallen grace" it was.
Otherwise, great poem...you captured the character well.

I'm a very amatuer poet who writes on a whim sometimes. Many of my poems are not very family friendly...but I have a couple that I could post...criticism is definetly welcome...

She's a Dancer

As light and airy as the sky
She's as fresh as a spring afternoon.
She glides with the music,
She floats with the tempo,
Until she holds...
Our breaths as we count:
One...Two...Three...Four.

Her feet are a blur, always in motion.
Her legs extend forever,
An illusion beyond the tips of her shoes.
Her arms flow, like liquid velvet.
She is a master of deception.
Her movements are made as effortlessly as they are difficult.

She is innocent yet flirty.
She is as soft as a feather yet as tough as metal.
She is a magician yet she hides nothing.
Her frame is small yet she overwhelms space.
She is a storyteller,
Filled with tales of love, betrayel, death and rebirth,
Yet her lips never move, for she never makes a sound.
She has no need to.

Her work load is overwhelming,
Her patience is never ending,
Yet her love is ever present.
With ever turn, every pose, every stretch and every jump.
She lets go and shares her love every night.
She is the ultimate artist.
She is an actress, a painter, a sculpter, a musician,
All together, she's a dancer.


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  #76  
Old June 11th, 2007, 11:23 pm
owlchick9  Female.gif owlchick9 is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anhelda View Post
This is a fun poem, with great imagery and a wonderful sense of humor and irony. I liked it a lot, and if it's representative of your other poems, you should definitely share them! ( I love the comments on how the exercise programs always show people working out in front of a body of water. Why is that ? )



The poem is nice, fits the fairy tale well, but it would help to put in some punctuation, and it gets a little vague at the bit about "a fallen kind of grace"--I'm not sure what you mean here, as I don't recall "grace" in the spiritual sense being a part of the Snow Queen's character. Admittedly, it's been a while since I read the original tale. Overall, this is an effective poem, and I liked it.
Your'e thinking Snow White, my poem is about the Snow Queen.... it's about a person who seems beautiful and good, but is really not


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  #77  
Old June 12th, 2007, 1:34 am
phoenix_flame  Female.gif phoenix_flame is offline
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Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelfa23 View Post
She's a Dancer

As light and airy as the sky
She's as fresh as a spring afternoon.
She glides with the music,
She floats with the tempo,
Until she holds...
Our breaths as we count:
One...Two...Three...Four.

Her feet are a blur, always in motion.
Her legs extend forever,
An illusion beyond the tips of her shoes.
Her arms flow, like liquid velvet.
She is a master of deception.
Her movements are made as effortlessly as they are difficult.

She is innocent yet flirty.
She is as soft as a feather yet as tough as metal.
She is a magician yet she hides nothing.
Her frame is small yet she overwhelms space.
She is a storyteller,
Filled with tales of love, betrayel, death and rebirth,
Yet her lips never move, for she never makes a sound.
She has no need to.

Her work load is overwhelming,
Her patience is never ending,
Yet her love is ever present.
With ever turn, every pose, every stretch and every jump.
She lets go and shares her love every night.
She is the ultimate artist.
She is an actress, a painter, a sculpter, a musician,
All together, she's a dancer.
I like it, it's a very nice descriptive poem that actually gives you a picture to work with. There was something about the words that just seem to tie everything together.

So, here's another of my poems. Not as good as my sonnet, War, posted above, but just a free verse that I wrote one day.


False Farewell

Parting is such sweet sorrow, he tells me,
as he lets go of my hand.
Turning his back to me,
His echoing footsteps heard
I chuckle despite my sadness,
He lies.
His goodbye meant nothing,
It was not a promise,
Not a hope,
They were words, simply that.
Words to soften the blow
Of his departure
An excuse,
a way out, nothing more.
Now turning my back to him,
I donít whisper a sad adieu,
For this goodbye was artificial deceptive.
I would not go home and cry,
Over a love lost,
A love once so ripe that I couldnít see
Couldnít look past the pretty face and see,
the rotting face hidden behind.
Parting is such sweet sorrow, he tells me,
The next time Iíll hear that Iíll laugh and walk away,
Head held high.


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  #78  
Old June 12th, 2007, 10:37 pm
Anhelda's Avatar
Anhelda  Female.gif Anhelda is offline
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Posts: 968
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by owlchick9 View Post
Your'e thinking Snow White, my poem is about the Snow Queen.... it's about a person who seems beautiful and good, but is really not
No, I'm thinking about Hans Christian Anderson's Snow Queen, with Kay kidnapped by the Snow Queen when she puts an ice splinter in his eye so he can't see her evilness, and his friend Gerda has to rescue him. I understood the point of the poem, about superficial beauty over a bad person. I still am not sure about the "grace" line, but maybe that's just a difference in our definitions. I guess I just don't see that the Snow Queen had any grace (ie spiritual goodness) to fall from, as my understanding was that she was always bad. (again, the length of time that has passed since I last read the story may affect my recall of the details)


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  #79  
Old June 13th, 2007, 8:30 pm
NadaYAK  Female.gif NadaYAK is offline
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Joined: 4434 days
Location: <3
Age: 28
Posts: 57
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix_flame View Post
I like it, it's a very nice descriptive poem that actually gives you a picture to work with. There was something about the words that just seem to tie everything together.

So, here's another of my poems. Not as good as my sonnet, War, posted above, but just a free verse that I wrote one day.


False Farewell

Parting is such sweet sorrow, he tells me,
as he lets go of my hand.
Turning his back to me,
His echoing footsteps heard
I chuckle despite my sadness,
He lies.
His goodbye meant nothing,
It was not a promise,
Not a hope,
They were words, simply that.
Words to soften the blow
Of his departure
An excuse,
a way out, nothing more.
Now turning my back to him,
I donít whisper a sad adieu,
For this goodbye was artificial deceptive.
I would not go home and cry,
Over a love lost,
A love once so ripe that I couldnít see
Couldnít look past the pretty face and see,
the rotting face hidden behind.
Parting is such sweet sorrow, he tells me,
The next time Iíll hear that Iíll laugh and walk away,
Head held high.
I agree, it's not as good as your poem War but I still liked it.
It's very simple and straightforward, and it had a clear conclusion.


My latest ...

Me and all my friends no longer have the ability to have a nice time out on account of the fact that we get hit on constantly.


Sexual Harassment Ö a Reply

"Hey, babe, want my digits ?"

No, I don't want your number at all.
What makes you think I'd give you a call ?
Stop acting cool in front of all your peers.
I'm sick of your smiles and your wicked, wicked leers.
Don't try to touch me with your God awful hands.
C'mon now, do you really think you stand a chance ?
Acting all great, trying to feed me a bunch of lies.
Don't even think about undressing me with your eyes !
I'm sick of annoying little idiots like you,
Who think that I have nothing better to do
Than act like I'm your personal treat.
Forget it ! I'm a female, not a piece of meat.
I have my standards, and boy, they're high.
Do you really think I'd put out for any guy ?
I know I'm great, oh, and pretty damn hot, too.
So what makes you think I'd go out with you ?


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  #80  
Old June 13th, 2007, 9:03 pm
owlchick9  Female.gif owlchick9 is offline
Third Year
 
Joined: 4863 days
Location: here
Posts: 449
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anhelda View Post
No, I'm thinking about Hans Christian Anderson's Snow Queen, with Kay kidnapped by the Snow Queen when she puts an ice splinter in his eye so he can't see her evilness, and his friend Gerda has to rescue him. I understood the point of the poem, about superficial beauty over a bad person. I still am not sure about the "grace" line, but maybe that's just a difference in our definitions. I guess I just don't see that the Snow Queen had any grace (ie spiritual goodness) to fall from, as my understanding was that she was always bad. (again, the length of time that has passed since I last read the story may affect my recall of the details)
Not what I was thinking


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