|
#1
|
||||
|
||||
The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Howdy
![]() Welcome to the second version of the Poetry Writing thread. Well done for almost 1500 posts packed full of cracking good poetry ![]() Rules:
Please read this before posting any poetry as it is VERY HELPFUL. Don't just ignore it: Also: I posted an announcement a while back about setting some people's favourite poetry from here to graphics. Here are the links to two posts, one giving you some information on the idea, here, and one giving an example of what the graphic could look like, here. I realise that most people may not be able to remember where their favourite poems are located, so I will take email submissions of your poetry, but I must ask that if you want to submit a piece of yours to me that you only submit one, and preferably one that you deem is your best. IT WOULD BE NICE TO GET SOME PARTICIPATION GOING ON THIS ![]() Fire away ^_^ Anyway. Here's part of a short story I'm writing. I say short story, but this part actually takes the form of poetry. ![]() It crashed like an unending tempest. Infinite. Blinding all sense. A momentary burst through which you stumble, amid the fragments of silence stolen in the lull and the fallout. You saw him fall with a noise that made the world tear itself in two and it did. And now a tightness in your stomach Like it’s all about to end But it won’t. Not yet. It’s left you gasping for air Like a drowning man Soaked to the skin In a sea of sheets and suffocation. Soon you’ll awake and find the warmth and the cat And the familiar All underneath you Breaking your fall.
__________________
Last edited by Alfonzo; February 11th, 2007 at 5:56 pm. |
Sponsored Links |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
That is so weird - the poem you wrote I mean - I was reading it and thinking that it basically describes the past twenty four hours of my life. You didn't write it about me I know, but it's just strange how it fits.
It’s left you gasping for air Like a drowning man Soaked to the skin In a sea of sheets and suffocation. I especially liked that stanza. I loved the imagery of the drowning man.
__________________
Mr. Microphone making All the damage felt Like a laser manifesto Make a mannequin melt |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Version two? Righteous!!!!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
__________________
"Do or do not, there is no try." -Jedi Master Yoda "I had a lover's quarrel with the world" -Robert Frost |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
I have a suggestion for this thread in regards to commenting on previous poems. Perhaps we should include a rule that some constructive criticism be made on the previous poems. I'm not sure it's really beneficial to have a poem posted to be commented on simply by "yeah that was awesome. and now here's my poem".
__________________
![]() i'm in slytherin! |
#5
|
||||
|
||||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Quote:
![]()
__________________
Last edited by Alfonzo; February 11th, 2007 at 5:51 pm. |
#6
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Quote:
Quote:
I have no poem to post at the moment, I'm working on a Narrative one for English, but it's not presentable yet. Oh! And if I can ask, if anyone knows any Narrative poems about Goodbyes/Parting/Farewells, let me know, I need one for my collection.
__________________
![]() "Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure" --Luna Lovegood, Chapter 10 |
#7
|
||||
|
||||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Quote:
Quote:
![]() Here's one of my own poems, just in time for Valentine's Day--feel free to shred as desired: For Sweetest Day He gave her A dozen red roses, Made of silk. "This way they'll last forever," he said, "Just like our love." On Valentine's Day, After he had gone, She stared at the roses, Dusty, In a vase. "Of course they're not real," she said. Quote:
__________________
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say again, Rejoice!"--Phillipians 4:4 "No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world."--Robin Williams, Dead Poets Society ![]() ![]() Awesome Ravenclaw Princess of the Strawberry-ness/Pottermore Ravenclaw & Thunderbird Back to COS, the Forum that Lived
Last edited by Anhelda; February 14th, 2007 at 1:48 am. |
#8
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
[quote=Anhelda;4347933]
For Sweetest Day He gave her A dozen red roses, Made of silk. "This way they'll last forever," he said, "Just like our love." On Valentine's Day, After he had gone, She stared at the roses, Dusty, In a vase. "Of course they're not real," she said. This one made me laugh, it was cute, but with a melancholy twist. It kind of brought forth the... I'm not sure how to word this, but the truth, I guess, of Valentine's Day and how you have to buy your Valentine a gift to prove that you love them. I love the symbolism I get from the roses and how they stand for their love- that it's not alive. I'm not sure if that was intentional or not, but it definitely came through. I really can't think of anything at all wrong with this poem, or anything to make it better because it is very good. The last line, which I love, seems to be off by itself, to me anyway. Then again, it's much better where it is than in the stanza before it. Honestly, it flows, it has great symbolism, has a nice feel to it, and I really do love it. Excellent piece of writing Anhelda! I don't think mine can even hold a candle to it. I'm really not sure if I like this piece of writing or not. It's kind of different from what I normally do. The title's weird though, like all my titles (and actually has meaning this time). Unveiled Decadence One more time Repeat after me "I will never forget you." As you laid under the crying tree. Dictatorships never last long In life or history. Great leaders learn from great mistakes Because they have great people to break. (This line needs help. Suggestions would be very helpful). I never understood sunshine Or why the moon woke me up at night I only remember the awful dreams I've seen Because they were all the same shade of aquamarine. Blue is the color of the sky. It's been called an emotion for years. But it's only sky and sea. It's the only half you see of me. Blue is the color of my room at night And the color of my room in the day. It's nothing more than descriptive language From the depths of the ocean's spray.
__________________
![]() You are everything I want Because you are everything I'm not. As Time Turns - A Ravenclaw Story and Feedback |
#9
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Quote:
The first two stanzas seem like a story is going to be told, about a dictator or the life under one, including heartache or pain, judging from the images I get and I think it could be really wonderful. It starts out more like a structured chant. "One more time//Repeat after me" Really, a great beginning. The last three stanzas seem more like a flowy poem with less intense subject manner. Its more a play on the word blue and its different meanings and versions of its colors from emotional blue to aquamarine. I think it would work well if you took this as a seperate poem and expanded on it in that way. I haven't written poetry in months but I needed to write this one so I could feel better. Senior Next year, I won’t be here From the top to the bottom It’s where life goes Each step closer to the end Closer to the new beginning I can walk through these halls Like a walk through the streets In a downtown rush The indifference The impatience The “who are you and why’d you stop?” Young lies are old ones Reborn, remodeled, repeated I remember my days there Less evolution before development The last generation right on track With respect With honor With understanding and acceptance Who’s going to care when I’m gone? They will forget me Grow accustomed to my memory Until it fades Like sunshine Photographs And the dreams of little girls This year the chapter ends I’m going to walk across a stage Like a mile in a desert sun A city left behind me An illusion A mirage An oasis ahead From the top to the bottom It’s where life goes
__________________
![]() "For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream." ~ Vincent Van Gogh Unrequited love is the curse that hurts the most. I am a proud Potter addict. |
#10
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Dollmage
Usually I prefer poems with rhyme and I myself follow more traditional style in writing. But your poem has something beautiful, sort of capturing atmosphere. Maybe because it reminded me of Smashing Pumpkins songs. Well, I don't see any flaws here, I really like it! And I think it would be nice lyrics for a song ![]() Well, it's my first poem here. I wrote it after my trip to Finland ![]() Northern song Today it brings me song of land Of distant land where I have been, Of fairest place I’ve ever seen; Oh, northern wind, thou art my friend! My heart thumps out melody, Which tinkling notes awakes a dream Of lovely place where I have been, Of land where now I want to be. Away, away with northern song, My soul, it flies on wings of wind. And in my naive confused mind I’ll keep that precious tune for long. It calls for me, the wind that makes A tumult in the autumn air, That sweeps away unheard despair And plays with waves of crystal lakes. Another child that yet unborn, That cherish'd by the autumn hands – A song brought from the northern lands Will never make thee feel forlorn. And ghosts of Past that haunted thee The ones that thou tried hard to shun Will be dissolved in morning sun, Away from happiness they’ll flee. Betwixt thine eyes and starry sky A dreamy song of distant place, A sigh of soul lost in vast space, A tearful but not last good-bye. 22 August 2006 © Eliya, 2006
__________________
One may have a blazing hearth in one’s soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. -Vincent van Gogh Sirius is alive. In my heart. |
#11
|
||||
|
||||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
v2!!! Woooo!
![]() ![]() Quote:
![]() ![]()
__________________
Like POETRY? Read it, comment, and get feedback on your own! THE POETRY WRITING THREAD v2 |
#12
|
||||
|
||||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Quote:
![]() Here's one for laughs, with apologies to Robert Burns: My love is like a dandelion That grows on my front lawn. Sometimes it's nice to have him, But sometimes I want him gone. He brings the color to my life And brightens up my week. He's soft and sweet to rub against My palms and chin and cheek. But he can be annoying, too, Like weed-infested grass. He'll be impatient, jealous, rude, Disgusting, crude, or crass. Yes, when my love is sweet and fun, I want him by my side. But when he turns into a pest, I long for herbicide.
__________________
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say again, Rejoice!"--Phillipians 4:4 "No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world."--Robin Williams, Dead Poets Society ![]() ![]() Awesome Ravenclaw Princess of the Strawberry-ness/Pottermore Ravenclaw & Thunderbird Back to COS, the Forum that Lived
|
#13
|
||||
|
||||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Quote:
![]() ![]() Here's something I'm not quite happy with yet. Any suggestions are appreciated, and comment/criticism is too, of course. ![]() Don't Blink Show me a film with no pictures Sing me a song you don't know Remember the words hand in hand Speak in nevers, say: never let you go. What nonsense life flings riotously at us. laughing, an insane poltergeist without purpose without a beginning, middle, without end. where's that happy ending again? Please recite your tale without words Do laugh and retain our silence silence is golden yet truth is forever and ever unlike words you know Unlike words love lives a little, lingers. Like words your film leaves an outline in my eyelids. I blink. blink blink. It's still there fading slowly Forget words and listen to that curious story, the gilded hush of this moment. all our lives are moments in this one grand day all our moments are sweeter as they get further all glides away A narrow heart will miss the moment, that life is greater than the sum of it's parts a narrow heart will never know if they blink. they'll never hear: never let you go.
__________________
Like POETRY? Read it, comment, and get feedback on your own! THE POETRY WRITING THREAD v2 |
#14
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Quote:
I don't really understand what you're talking about in this poem, but I really like it. I love the line "silence is golden yet truth is forever." Please explai what you' re talking about in this poem, I can be a little slow. Ok, this poem came to me just now while in the car, I wonder if you'll be able to understand it? Hello Prison. Hello prison of faith False sanctuary You kept me locked many a year Within your walls, blind. But now I'm free Now I can see The lie with which you held me So now I go by you, in the car A scowl upon my face Your walls will never again hold me For now I have the power to truly see.
__________________
Vote for Sirius, ![]() really need is a cheerful minister with a sense of humor. Which, I'm afraid, rules out Snape. ![]() ![]() ![]() |
#15
|
||||
|
||||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Quote:
![]() I like the sentiment and the emotion in this, but the poem as a whole doesn't really seem to flow that well. I do like a lot of it, though. The first two lines are very strong, and so are the fifth and sixth - I like the free/see rhyme. All in all, it's very good in concept, it just maybe needs a little more work on the pace and rhythm. Holes I think There's something I need to find. Empty spaces Fill my mind. I hold Broken shards In my hands. I cry Tears that fall Dead and dry. I try And find the thing I miss inside. I find Lost, shattered fragments In the sand. Sinking far away from sight. Sinking into endless night. Somewhere, something I can't find. The jigsaw puzzle's Missing part, To fill the hollows In my heart. |
#16
|
||||
|
||||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Quote:
![]() Quote:
Don't Blink Show me a film with no pictures Sing me a song you don't know Remember the words hand in hand Speak in nevers, say: never let you go. What nonsense life flings riotously at us. laughing, an insane poltergeist without purpose without a beginning, middle, without end. where's that happy ending again? Please recite your tale without words Do laugh and retain our silence silence is golden yet truth is forever and ever unlike words you know Unlike words love lives a little, lingers. Like words your film leaves an outline in my eyelids. I blink. blink blink. It's still there fading slowly Forget words and listen to that curious story, the gilded hush of this moment. all our lives are moments in this one grand day all our moments are sweeter as they get further all glides away A narrow heart will miss the moment, that life is greater than the sum of it's parts a narrow heart will never know if they blink. they'll never hear: never let you go.
__________________
Like POETRY? Read it, comment, and get feedback on your own! THE POETRY WRITING THREAD v2 |
#17
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Quote:
__________________
I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now? --John Lennon ![]() |
#18
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
This poem of orginally written by a girl I know, but I changed it around a bit. Its called the Friendship Poem and I dedicate it to my friends who are always there for me:
During times when I need someone By my side the most I know I'll never have to rely on a ghost Because you will be there To show me the way You will advise me Every single day You've always been there To put a smile on my face A friend like you, no one could replace There will always be a place In my heart just for you You're such a wonderful person That will always be true You've always been there for me Even on the other side of the phone With a friend like you I could never feel alone You're always there to wipe a tear And even make me laugh You've been there to push me down the right path You've always listened to me talk Even if you didn't care You always prove to me That you'll always be there You've always been there for me Which I thank you for I'll always be here for you And that you know for sure I know I can trust And confide in whenever Now and through our days We will be Best Friends Forever Last edited by Padfoot_Returns; February 19th, 2007 at 10:06 pm. |
#19
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Quote:
Quote:
__________________
![]() You are everything I want Because you are everything I'm not. As Time Turns - A Ravenclaw Story and Feedback |
#20
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Poetry Writing Thread v2
Quote:
![]() ![]() Quote:
![]() I blink. blink blink. It's still there fading slowly remind me the moment when I look at the sunset! and this part => all our lives are moments in this one grand day all our moments are sweeter as they get further all glides away is simply beautiful! Very true!
__________________
One may have a blazing hearth in one’s soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. -Vincent van Gogh Sirius is alive. In my heart. |
Powered by: vBulletin, Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Original content is Copyright © MMII - MMVIII, CoSForums.com. All Rights Reserved. Other content (posts, images, etc) is Copyright © its respective owners. |